Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Light in August?

I am pro-choice and all, but I think that pregnant women should be forced to have a scarlet "P" embroidered on their outer garments, or tattooed on their foreheads-totally up to them. In a pinch, I'd settle for one of those "Baby Inside" t-shirts, with an arrow pointing to the uterus, although it is actually targeting the knees.

Because we have all been victimized by the "When are you due?"/"I'm not pregnant" mortification that for some reason is never followed by a natural disaster. You know, a natural disaster without any fatalities or injuries that nonetheless distracts everyone and makes an awkward conversation that they were enduring a vague memory.

As a result, I will be damned if I ever ask anyone second trimesterish when she is due. My rule is that unless the woman tells me that she is pregnant, I have to see the baby crowning before I acknowledge her pregnancy.

But this plan isn't fool-proof, either. Because in early March I ran into a neighbor in the elevator--"hey, I haven't seen you in a while," I said. "What's new?"
"Well," she patted her stomach. "I'm about to have a baby."
"Oh?" I was in cartoon-like amazement. "I had no idea that you are pregnant." Apparently, I thought instead that she had a pillow attached to her midsection or that she was a moose. My attempt at complimenting her on the svelteness backfired.

This could have been avoided if she had just worn a "Baby inside" t-shirt. Over her coat. Or maybe an ankle bracelet that announced her pregnancy. Yes, I know that pregnant women's ankles swell and may even cause the whiners discomfort. But think of the peace of mind that it will offer the rest of us.

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Kristine said...

Perfect. I will add it to my suggestion box of life.

The same one where I think they should be able to come up with seedless lemons so I can drink my tea out of a straw in peace.

And that you should be able to birth a small baby, then stick them in a bowl of water so they hydrate to the normal baby size (like those capsules that have sponges in them.)

July 9, 2008 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

I love the small baby idea, except doesn't that increase the chance of it being misplaced?!

July 9, 2008 at 5:50 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

What about a tiny crocheted pair of baby booties on a pin? Because I have one stashed away that my MIL gave me when we announced our first pregnancy. To pin on my clothes. So that people would know I had FINALLY done right by her and gotten knocked up. I'm not bitter.

July 10, 2008 at 12:15 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

Lol, yes, I suppose tiny booties on a pin could signify pregnancy. Or it could signify that you are going through foot binding. I'm sure you can see the problem.

July 10, 2008 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Okay, you rock the comment game. I think I'm in blog love. Now, I want to get pregnant again so that I can wear those tiny crocheted booties and wait for some poor unsuspecting sap to ask me if I'm pregnant, just so that I can say "oh, what these, no they signify that I'm going through ritual foot binding."

July 10, 2008 at 11:08 AM  
Anonymous Inzaburbs said...

See how you all dried up the comments? Because with that, nobody can compete.

I must run in the wrong circles, because i don't think I have ever seen somebody actually wearing one of those "baby inside" t-shirts. I wish an acquaintance of mine would just give in and wear one though - I have been watching her for months, playing the "is she, isn't she?" game. She gets bigger ... and yet still I don't dare.

July 11, 2008 at 8:39 AM  

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