Monday, July 14, 2008

Open Plea to Dav Pilkey

Dav Pilkey, as those of you who have sons over the age of 6 undoubtedly know, is the author of the "Captain Underpants" series. Which is basically like "General Hospital" for prepubescent boys. Below is my letter to him. Hopefully, he will visit this blog and read it and take immediate action.

Dear Dav:

How fucking hard is it to write another Captain Underpants book? Or are you waiting until my son goes to college?

Really, childhood is fleeting. And he can be super whiny. Let him have it. Please?

I know that you're a newlywed (or were in 2005), but come on. Yes, love, bliss, happiness. What about the rest of us?!?

The last page of the eighth book, Captain Underpants and the Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People clearly states that Captain Underpants and the Terrifying Return of Tippy Tinkletrousers is coming soon. And Frankenfart vs. The Bionic Barf Bunnies from Diarrhea Land is coming soon-ish. Barf! Diarrhea! You're such a tease.

But soon? Soonish? That was in 2006, what the hell have you been doing for two years? Stephen King would have had several tomes out by now. You I'm afraid I'm going to need a better timetable. One that is acceptable to my son. Because I want him in his room reading and leaving me the hell alone.

So, what's the hold up? Are you fighting with Scholastic again? Can I help? You say the word and I'm there. But please, write the freaking book already. Really, I'd do it myself, except for the whole writing and drawing part.

Thanks in advance!

Marinka

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17 Comments:

Blogger wfbdoglover said...

ha ha that's funny.

I didn't know the author, because I would tell my son that that wasn't a real book and didn't count, especially when he was reading it for like the 5th time.

Now I feel like a really bad mom.

July 14, 2008 at 10:09 PM  
Anonymous sofie said...

Um, whatever you said, only the OPPOSITE, because my kid's only at guided reading level E and that means I have to freaking read Captain Underpants ALOUD to him, and you've got to believe me when I say that I am perfectly happy for Monsieur Auteur Underpants to have writer's block until my kid hits level M, or whatever letter it takes to get him off my back with the potty people.

July 14, 2008 at 10:22 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

I know not this Captain Underpants, but I think I love him. Frankenfart is my new name for AnyDaddy and our offspring are, from this moment forward, the bionic barf bunnies. Fabulous.

July 14, 2008 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I wonder who will play Frankenfart in the movie?

July 15, 2008 at 3:14 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

Bwahahahaaaa..

I love Captain Underpants, but we've been sidetracked in reading this summer. I did not realize that this travesty was awaiting me.

July 15, 2008 at 4:03 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Oh. My.

I managed to stay away from those for the most part. My guys are now old enough that CU just isn't as fascinating. But that only means we are into more "sophisticated" body humor.

Shoot me.

July 15, 2008 at 6:55 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

WFB--omg, I would love it if my son would re-read these books, but apparently, he understood it the first time and refuses!

Sofie--yes, I can see how reading Captain Underpants out loud would be annoying. Sorry! For you!

Anymommy--Just you wait. And if by the time your kids are ready there are new CU books, you'll have me to thank. As a matter of fact, you should probably start thanking me right now. You know, in case it slips your mind later.

Jonathan--Gerry Butler?

Alice--I'm sorry that I had to ruin your summer with this news.

Melissa--Woohoo that I have more sophisticated body humor to look forward to!

July 15, 2008 at 7:25 AM  
Anonymous sdl said...

Great art cannot be rushed, Marinka.

In our summer reading game at the library, we have several book-related activities that you get to play if you land on the right spot on the gameboard. One of them is tossing a pair of tighty-whiteys that are balled up through a toilet seat. An adult came along and wrote in marker on the back of it "bad stimulation". Grown ups make me tired.

July 15, 2008 at 8:35 AM  
Anonymous nissa said...

Marinka, you are HILARIOUS. I've been lurking but this post sent me right to the "comment" button. Monopoly: yes. Driving: yes. Noisy kids: yes, yes and yes. I can (yes, that's what I meant to say) wait until my kiddo hits CU age. By then I'm sure there may be some other disgusting/annoying/ completely occupying diversion for kids but who knows.

July 15, 2008 at 10:36 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

SDL--yes, grown ups tire me, too. But I love that game! And I bet the kids don't object, either.

Nissa--You are very kind (keep it coming!)

July 15, 2008 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

I can't stop laughing!! - yes, Gerry Butler would be perfect.

July 15, 2008 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger Madge said...

they have got to be past that whole honeymoon thing already. maybe they are to busy plotting how to kill each other now that they are three years into marriage.

i agree, my kids check for a new Captain Underpants book every time we go to the bookstore.

July 15, 2008 at 6:08 PM  
Anonymous Inzaburbs said...

There are more books? My son was sent one for Christmas but I never thought to look for more (isn't one enough???).

Major problem here - my son was born without an appropriate-time-and-place gene and keeps getting into trouble at school for "potty talk". While I love that bedtime takes 30 seconds when he is curled up in bed with his CU book, ("goodnight Mommy, you can go now, I'm reading"), I can't help but feel that I am aiding and abetting his storing up of vocabulary for future use.

July 16, 2008 at 8:45 AM  
Anonymous Inzaburbs said...

There are more books? My son was sent one for Christmas but I never thought to look for more (isn't one enough???).

Major problem here - my son was born without an appropriate-time-and-place gene and keeps getting into trouble at school for "potty talk". While I love that bedtime takes 30 seconds when he is curled up in bed with his CU book, ("goodnight Mommy, you can go now, I'm reading"), I can't help but feel that I am aiding and abetting his storing up of vocabulary for future use.

July 16, 2008 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Um, thank you?

July 16, 2008 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Always Home and Uncool said...

We had a neighborhood party once and made people wear nametags with thier made-up Capt Underpants names (from the novel w/ the mad scientist early on). We haven't been asked to host since.

July 16, 2008 at 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

My boys have learned many things from Dav Pilkey. My younger son asked if he had to get the "spank of life" when he was born. So, reading does make you smarter.

Well, at least Diary of a Wimpy Kid 4 comes out in October....

July 14, 2009 at 10:32 AM  

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