House Rules and Proposed Amendments

At our household, we have some rules, because we are Excellent Parents. Enforcement is another issue, however, and over the years, our kids have made some modifications, or amendments.

Here they are. You will probably want to take notes. And then paste those notes over whatever it is that Dr. Spock advises.


Rule 1: Do not enter parents' bedroom before 7 am. Because your parents are exhausted and need rest and sleep and relaxerization (yes, I know someone who thinks that's a word. Hopefully, she's not reading this blog).

Amendment: Run into parents' room at 6:30 and announce, "See you in half an hour!!!"


Rule 2: Do not talk to mommy while she's in the bathroom.

Amendment: Tap on the bathroom door and say, "Are you still in there?" until door opens.

Rule 3: Do not run in the house.

Amendment: Skipping, hopping and leaping is ok. So is speed walking. And running in slow motion, like you're in the critical scene in "Chariots of Fire."

Rule 4: No potty talk at the table.

Amendment: This violates the First Amendment.

Rule 5: Don't say "stupid" unless you mean in it its literal sense.

Response: Oh, we mean it.

Rule 6: Take your plate to the dishwasher after meals.

Response: Thank you for preparing us for a lifetime in the food service industry.

Rule 7: If you're a boy, do not wear black socks with shorts until you're 70.

Response: That's stupid.

Rule 8: If you're a girl, don't wear shirts with suggestive slogans.

Response: What's suggestive?

Rule 9: Do not ask grandmother why her skin is wrinkly and loose.

Response: That's SKIN?

Rule 10: Treat other people like you would like to be treated.

Response: Let's go get you some Pokemon cards and a Wii game, mom.

Stumble It!