Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Mad Kid Negotiating Skillz

My step son is staying with us for two weeks and then he is moving in at the end of the summer to start school in NYC. I adore that kid. I was super anxious before he arrived because I was worried that he'd look at me and say, "I HATE YOU!" and then become all allergic to Nicki and we'd have to get rid of her, and possibly of me, and it would just be upsetting.

But he seems not to be allergic, he and Nicki are getting along and he hasn't told me that he hates me yet, although admittedly, it's still early.

We went to the dacha over the weekend, and it was so beautiful, except at some point I became convinced that my daughter had The Lyme Disease/Swine Flu combination. Because on Friday she had a fever and then she was lethargic for the rest of the weekend. I should explain that her lethargic and my lethargic are very different, because when I am lethargic, I try not to lift a finger, whereas while she was lethargic, she still managed to go on a hike, play baseball and teach me some karate moves, but would rest after.

So I told her that I was going to take her to the doctor on Monday morning first things and she pleaded with me not to, because they were having a special workshop presentation and I relented and said that I'd pick her up an hour early from school and take her to the doctor then and she said no again, because that is shop time and she didn't want to miss that, but she did volunteer that she has math at 1 and that she doesn't mind missing that one bit.

So we went to the doctor after school and turns out that she has strep. Needless to say, my throat immediately starts to hurt and as I tell everyone at dinner that she has strep, Husbandrinka and Young Ladrinka announce that their throats also hurt. I ask my step son if he is similarly afflicted and he says, "no". I give him three months of living with us before we turn him into a hypochondriac.

And then at dinner, Young Ladrinka tells me that he and three of his classmates have a huge secret, so I say "TELL ME!" and he says "no" and I ask "is it juicy?" and he says, "it has nothing to do with juice, but we'll get in trouble if I tell", which isn't something to say if you don't want your mother on your case, just an FYI.

So, I say, "I'll give you $1 if you tell me." And he says, "Make it $20," and I'm all "forget it," and he says, "$5" and I'm holding firm and he says "Ok, $1" and I say, "nope, no longer interested" and he says, "fine, I'll just tell you." And I say "nope, now you have to give me $5 to listen to it" and he says "please, can I tell you?" and I say "ok" and he tells me.

And it was pretty damn good. But I'm not telling you. Unless you give me $1.

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Anonymous Jane said...

Come on TELL ME!!!!

May 27, 2009 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger Formerly known as Frau said...

Check or money order?

May 27, 2009 at 3:46 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

heh. I'll let you handle my next car purchase.

When Shark was sickly last week of course I thought of swine flu. Then I was swine-fluey yesterday but it passed quickly. I think we'll be fine.

May 27, 2009 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger PMKU said...

You have skills! I love this post.

May 27, 2009 at 4:08 PM  
Anonymous Coco said...

No fair. I hope you all don't get strep.

May 27, 2009 at 4:08 PM  
Anonymous Kristine said...

I could totally use your mad negotiating skillz. I"m such a wimp.

And I love that he said it had nothing to do with juice!

May 27, 2009 at 4:30 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

What I want to know is, does Nicki's throat hurt?

May 27, 2009 at 4:38 PM  
Blogger LTYM said...

Why are you not working for Geitner?

May 27, 2009 at 5:05 PM  
Anonymous Suzy said...

Damn, I don't have a dollar! Come on, tell us!! Pleeeeeeaaase?

May 27, 2009 at 5:14 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

How many clicks on your ads does it take to earn a dollar?! Then do we get the secret?

May 27, 2009 at 5:29 PM  
Blogger jmt said...

God you are such a tease.

May 27, 2009 at 5:36 PM  
Anonymous Christy said...

Ha! Awesome! The check's in the mail--I expect a full report!

May 27, 2009 at 5:40 PM  
Blogger expateek said...

Ha, you should give this charming boy a lesson:

He says it himself, he really needs some help! Meanwhile, you, on the other hand, got negotiating knocked, gf.

May 27, 2009 at 5:52 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

What's your Paypal info? I'm sending the damn dollar. Better yet, I'm mailing you 100 pennies for torturing the readers.

May 27, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Blogger TentCamper said...

I sent you a $1 check via email...did you get it? I need to know the secret.

By the way...nice job working him over like that.

and the ailment float from one person to the next around least the symptoms.

May 27, 2009 at 6:03 PM  
Blogger kimberly said...

That was mean! Not as mean as me not telling you something that's being spread around the internet about you, but mean nonetheless.

May 27, 2009 at 6:14 PM  
Blogger Bretthead said...

Expateek recommended I come over to learn how to negotiate better. Nice work. Just so you know, when I ask my kids if they'd rather eat poo or hug daddy, they choose the poo option and laugh hysterically. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

May 27, 2009 at 6:19 PM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

Gah. I would love nothing more then to climb inside your head for a night.

May 27, 2009 at 6:31 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

I'm never telling the secret. What kind of mother do you think I am? That's the kind of shit that would totally land me on that typo-ridden blog that talks about how horrid all the mommy bloggers who exploit their kids. Like, who else are we supposed to exploit, bitches?

May 27, 2009 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

oooh, I know about this great blog called SECRETSPINLESSWHINE....noone would ever have to know it was you :) !!!!

May 27, 2009 at 8:32 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

yea, secretspinless...but you know what I meant and P.S. I love that I'm not the only one who automatically suffers from symptoms of something someone else has. I have gotten sick by thinking about it my entire life.

May 27, 2009 at 8:33 PM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

Imagine all your step-son is learning at your dinner table. It will only be a matter of time before he's deep in the mad negotiating pool!

May 27, 2009 at 8:56 PM  
Blogger kristi said...

Dang you are good!

May 27, 2009 at 9:19 PM  
Blogger Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

Do tell!

I am completely paranoid about strep here. We get it constantly, and we love to share.

May 27, 2009 at 10:02 PM  
Blogger 2 Brits, 2 Yanks, 2 Dogs said...

Wow you are a great negotiater - strep sucks.

May 27, 2009 at 10:10 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

That was seriously the best bit of reverse psychology I've EVER heard, and I'm totally impressed. It's the kind of comeback I would have thought of -- two hours later. I'm in awe.

May 27, 2009 at 10:13 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I love it. You are a negotiator, yes you are. Now what do I have to offer up to get the secret out of you?

May 27, 2009 at 10:33 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

I hope you're happy that you just made my head explode.

Plus? I think my throat hurts now.

And? I'm not giving you $1, but I totally want to know your secret.

May 27, 2009 at 10:50 PM  
Blogger MG @ MommyGeekology said...

Those skills are amazing! I envy your skills. Teach me, oh master.

And, no lie, my throat hurts right now. I keep clearing it and it's very uncomfortable. Thanks. You gave me strep.

May 27, 2009 at 11:11 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

You are going to have to give me $5 to tell me that secret. Come on, you know you want to.

Swine flu? I have had it for weeks now. Or maybe it's allergies? I dunno. I get confused.

May 27, 2009 at 11:56 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

We should take bets on how long it takes your step-son to become a hypochondriac. He doesn't stand a chance.

May 28, 2009 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger Roshni said...

ok, $20 coming your way...!!

please please tellllll!!!!!

May 28, 2009 at 2:17 AM  
Blogger Pseudo said...

You sure it is strep? Cause I was thinking maybe it was the need for a Macbook.

May 28, 2009 at 2:45 AM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

How can anyone hear the word strep and not immediately have a sore throat? It's like trying not to scratch your head when you hear the word lice.

May 28, 2009 at 7:18 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

You are a fucking negotiating genius.

May 28, 2009 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

You are hilarious.

May 28, 2009 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

You definitely ARE a "fucking negotiating genius"....and an evil, evil woman.

May 28, 2009 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

Visa or MasterCard?

May 28, 2009 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

well now you have to tell us and if you think about it you've got a good thing going here. a dollar from every fan of yours? You'd be a rich lady but then you'd have to give us your full name and address and then what would that teach your daughter. hmmmm....

May 28, 2009 at 2:16 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

Sorry. I'm not interested.

May 29, 2009 at 8:30 AM  

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