"Achoo!" said Husbandrinka.
Marinka tried to be sympathetic. "God Bless You!" she said. "And God Bless America."
Husbandrinka didn't stop Achooing.
"Please stop," Marinka suggested.
"Achoo." Said Husbandrinka. And then blew his nose.
"Speaking of an elephant stampede," Marinka said, "It's been a while since we've been to the zoo." (Blogging with integrity disclosure: Marinka didn't really say anything about the zoo. she just wanted to work in that Husbandrinka blowing his nose sounded like an elephant stampede. Also, if Husbandrinka reads this, Marinka may be SuddenlySingle, so please try to think of who you can set her up with. Her requirements are modest: Handsome kazillionaire.)
"I think I don't have a cold," said Husbandrinka. "I think I have allergies."
Marinka recommended Dr. Sneezy to Husbandrinka. Dr. Sneezy was their daughter's allergist.
"Is he a pediatrician?" Husbandrinka asked before going. Marinka reassured Husbandrinka that Dr. Sneezy saw people of all ages, shapes and sizes. Although everyone that Marinka saw in Dr. Sneezy's office looked to be under the age of 12. Or a midget.
"I have news," Husbandrinka said when he came back from his appointment.
"News!" Marinka exclaimed. Marinka believed that no news is good news and NEWS! is disaster.
"I have a dust mite allergy and am allergic to trees," said Husbandrinka. "We will have to make lifestyle adjustments."
Lifestyle adjustments included:
* Buying a $900 vacuum cleaner to suck up the dust mites, because regular vacuum cleaners give dust mites clemency.
* Buying new pillow/duvet/mattress covers so that the bedding industry in the United States does not have to ask for a bail out.
* Chopping down every tree in Manhattan, and depending on the wind patterns, in New Jersey and/or Brooklyn.
* Buying a lot of other things which translate into Marinka not having a new fall purse come September and possibly dying her own hair, instead of having a homosexual doing it for her.
Marinka looked through catalogs that Husbandrinka brought home. Catalogs like Allergy Control Products and Mission: Allergy.
Marinka grew sad. "It's almost easier to get rid of my dust mite collection," she thought.
Marinka called Gay Friend John to share the news.
"Husbandrinka is allergic to dust mites," Marinka told him.
"Everyone is allergic to dust mites," John counseled.
"He is also allergic to seasonal trees," Marinka confided.
"I am not allergic to seasonal trees," Eavesdropping Husbandrinka rolled his eyes. "I am allergic to trees and have seasonal allergies."
"Yes, seasonal allergies," Marinka repeated. "Like Christmas and Thanksgiving."
John was worried: "Are you ok, Marinka? Is there anything that I can do to help?"
"Thank you for asking, John," Marinka said. "I appreciate your kindness."
And then they wished each other good night and hung up.
Because if there's one thing that Marinka is allergic to, it's bad manners.
If you are in the NYC area and would like to join me (with kids!) at the Bronx Zoo tomorrow, Friday, August 7th from 11 am to 1 pm for fun-filled, kid-centered activities, including taking in some exhibits, a Q&A with a representative of the National Association of School Nurses about flu (including the swine flu!) and more excitement, please email me at MarinkaNYC (at) Gmail (dot) com.