Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Remedial Blog School is on Break

I had a Remedial Blog School Post about comments all ready for you today, except that I didn't write it and I was afraid that you would notice. Because if there is one thing that I know about you is that you are super smart. And beautiful. Except for that one, over there. But we love her, too.

I have been busy basking in the BlogHer afterglow (although if it doesn't go away soon, I'm going to a dermatologist) and getting ready for house guests. Because Husbandrinka, despite his many documented personality flaws, has awesome friends and one of them is coming to NYC with his kids. Three kids. The problem is that we stayed with them in France last year and his kids are much better behaved than our kids and speak with a cute accent, so I've been busy trying to whip my kids into shape. Apparently, you're supposed to teach them manners prenataly or something and my screeching, "elbows off the table, motherfuckers" is too late.

And tomorrow night another friend is coming over with her four kids for dinner. Honestly, I'm afraid to count how many kids that makes altogether.

So, practice commenting on this post and we'll learn how to do it correctly next week. I'll be linking to the best and worst comments and handing out dunce caps, so be careful with those "First!" comments, ok?

52 Comments:

Anonymous LadyFi said...

Ha ha! No wonder has dared to comment on this!

As for getting your kids in order: to late to whip them into shape, but not too late to train them to speak with a cute accent... like the British one? Or maybe the Swedish chef from Sesame Street...

July 28, 2009 at 9:59 AM  
Anonymous LadyFi said...

Oh heck! I actually meant - No one has dared to comment...

or maybe even - No wonder no one has dared to...

You get the picture, right?

July 28, 2009 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

"You now have an opportunity to see adorable Russian beauties, gathered together like an over-flowing bouquet of flowers!"

Come over to my blog www.russianbrides.com to check them out.

July 28, 2009 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger TeacherMommy said...

My blog is, of course, going to completely crash and burn now because I have been desperately holding on for the next lesson and now you, oh my blog guru, have abandoned me in my time of trouble!

I'll only forgive you if your children are speaking in Australian accents by the weekend, since that may be my favorite.

Not that a Russian accent isn't marvelous. And possibly more achievable. Just dump your kids off on your parents for a while.

Then you can write that post.

July 28, 2009 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger TeacherMommy said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

July 28, 2009 at 10:08 AM  
Blogger marathon mom said...

I just want some free swag!

You can make some neat appetizers with a fish stick as a canvas...

July 28, 2009 at 10:14 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Are you some kind of sadist? This was like a trick, I mean most teachers aka schools publish the break schedule before they just announce it.

Well this is pretty cool though it was like a snow day (not that I know what the is anymore since I am in Austin Texas where I am melting most days).

Manners are over rated just like work ;-)

July 28, 2009 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger Marinka said...

hey, Jennifer, it could have been worse. You could have been stuck with a substitute teacher.

July 28, 2009 at 10:27 AM  
Anonymous Maravonda said...

Marinka, I am so disappointed in you...first, no post to help me start blogging (and I thought you truly cared...) but then to learn that you might speak to people at your table like that...Don't you realize it's "Get your elbows off the table you LITTLE motherfuckers!"...otherwise, you might offend an adult guest...

July 28, 2009 at 10:38 AM  
Anonymous Audrey at Barking Mad said...

I suck at the commenting thing and most assuredly need remedial schooling when it comes to that. I just fear sounding redundant, blase', lame, or all of the above. Yeah, originality is NOT my strong suit.

So um, how was that for a practice comment?

July 28, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Andy said...

Well, I look forward to the post when you do decide to put it up. In the meantime, consider using a muzzle on the kids.
And NyQuil.

July 28, 2009 at 10:50 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

Slacker! "Where's my Remedial Blog School Post, Motherfucker?" See....it's never too late.

July 28, 2009 at 10:59 AM  
Anonymous Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I'm glad to know everyone here loves me despite my looks.

July 28, 2009 at 11:01 AM  
Blogger Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Wow. Fucking pressure.

Plus I read the post below as well and now all I can think about is blood pooling in my ass when I die.

For the record, I worked in a vet clinic in high school, and that whole blood pooling in the ass does not happen with dogs and cats. I'm just saying.

Anyways, with the kids, pinching them under the table was always my technique with guests.

July 28, 2009 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

If OHmommy doesn't get some kind of prize for that comment, then I will demand a refund of the ENORMOUS tuition this blog-school is charging. Also, why has no one else mentioned this exorbitant, tuition? I'm beginning to sense I am being had...

July 28, 2009 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

I'd pay money to watch you with all those kids in your house. Maybe you should get some tips from AnyMommy.

July 28, 2009 at 11:45 AM  
Anonymous C @ Kid Things said...

17th! WHOO!

July 28, 2009 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Fer*Cambe said...

Oh my.. You are absolutely the cleverest! Those little adorable French kids are gonna really love your wit at least!

July 28, 2009 at 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Nicole Harris said...

well nothing says manners like a three year old yelling "get your elbows off the table muder fucker" to the new house guests! This would be a nice conversation piece, Oh look little Jimmydrinka can also say bitch ass loser and shit mamma pass me those fuckin rolls now Bitch!

July 28, 2009 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

Of course you can't screech at your kids like that! Kids don't learn that way.

It's better to "gently correct" them with a long stick. You'd be surprised at the results you can get with the little tap of a stick upside their heads. Kids are so resilient that they recover from that very quickly and you have your results!

July 28, 2009 at 1:20 PM  
OpenID mommygeekology said...

OHMommy's comment is the most awesomest comment that I've ever seen and read and stuff. Comment. Woot. Also, I love dogs. Oh, and my mother loves tools and everything she sees looks like a nail.

July 28, 2009 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Kabbalah Rookie said...

Are Tasers too harsh?
Just suggesting.
I'm not a Mum, by the way.
Crap, now I have just realised why my nephews prefer spending time with my brother....

July 28, 2009 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger Kay said...

Heh... I guess my "dude, seriously? If you don't pull your damn pants up I'm gonna hafta find a damn baseball bat to beat you down with before I duct tape them to your ass" comment falls right in line with your "elbows off the table, motherfuckers".
Eh, whatever. Threats work. Just remember, when they're bigger than you (my teenager is a big boy - he's got 75 lbs and over half a foot on me), you can still climb on a chair and swing a bat.

July 28, 2009 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger lizspin said...

And don't forget to stand up when an adult walks in the room, you morons. . . were you raised by wolves or something???

July 28, 2009 at 2:15 PM  
Blogger Z said...

Dunce cap over here, please! But could you make it a pretty one? With sparkles? ;)

July 28, 2009 at 2:27 PM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Twenty Sixth! YESSSS!

I tell my children I'll buy them expensive shit if they behave while company is over. Works every time!

July 28, 2009 at 2:42 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

crap, I look terrible in hats.


Unless it has glitter on it- then I'm good.

July 28, 2009 at 3:35 PM  
Anonymous Rhea said...

First!

July 28, 2009 at 4:48 PM  
Anonymous Maureen at IslandRoar said...

So what's the matter with "elbows off the table motherfuckers?"
I'll bet it works.

We can wait for blog school till next week. You're so worth it.

July 28, 2009 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger King of New York Hacks said...

Put them in my taxi for a trip around the block...they'll be filled with manners.."please slow down", "please I want my most mannerly mom"..."I'll never put my elbows on the table" .Pleases will never run out...and my fee for those rides are on the house ;-)

July 28, 2009 at 5:13 PM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

PRESSURE TO COMMENT WELL!!! I don't do well under this kind of stress.

I will let you know that I have had no less than 4 requests inquiring about your whereabouts. It never ends, does it?

Have a BLAST with your company. I am truly, truly jealous. Nothing makes me happier than a houseful of people. Especially when the majority of them are children that are better behaved than my own. That is AWESOME.

July 28, 2009 at 7:41 PM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

That's 47 kids total. You better make extra fruit salad.

xoxo, SG

July 28, 2009 at 8:00 PM  
Anonymous Maravonda said...

After reading above posts, just need to add, I am a nurse, and blood definitely pools in your ass...

July 28, 2009 at 8:02 PM  
Blogger Jeanne said...

"Elbows off the table, motherfuckers!"

Where were you when it was time to teach the Kylie-monster table manners?

July 28, 2009 at 8:36 PM  
Blogger SweetPeaSurry said...

wowza ... sounds like you're going to be a bizzy little bee!!! I'm sure your kids behave beautifully, and you're just biased. Sort of like we are with that one ... over there. *laughs*

Have fun with ya guests and I can't wait to see the remedial comments post!!

blessings!

July 28, 2009 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

I find it so sad that your kids don't speak French.

July 28, 2009 at 9:34 PM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU??

If that doesn't win a comment prize, I have no idea what will.

July 28, 2009 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger redgirl said...

Encourage Transylvanian accents by putting on only old Dracula movies and Van Helsing for the next few days.
For excitability, mix benadryl in with food and/or drink (also good for the sniffles!!), and for teachability, adapt the shock collar technique for mass use: each child set on a different frequency for correction.

:D

July 28, 2009 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Ellen said...

Hey. It's Ellen, I sat next to you at the humor panel. I lost the BlogHer afterglow and now have severe BlogHer withdrawal symptoms consisting of severe pangs for big bed all to myself, maid service, freebies, lively conversation and Trop 50. Ha, ha, that was a joke, Trop 50 was putrid.

Come visit my blog sometime. It's not always funny (I have a kid who had a stroke at birth) but trust me, I even manage to make that funny some days.

Glad to have met you!

Um, did I pass your comment requirements?

July 28, 2009 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger me too said...

with that many kids in the house i'm thinking you could sneak out during dinner, get a drink, come back, no one would know you were gone....

July 28, 2009 at 10:45 PM  
Blogger Babe in Babeland said...

What? No school on commenting??! How in the hell am I ever going to learn how to comment?

Oh wait a minute...I just commented. Hot damn, I'm commenting! I'm commenting! WOW. You've taught me how to comment without teaching me how to comment. You're the best blog teacher ever.

July 28, 2009 at 11:58 PM  
Blogger Babe in Babeland said...

P.S. -- Do I get extra credit for commenting twice?

July 28, 2009 at 11:58 PM  
Blogger redgirl said...

As in many such contests, i believe only the first comment/entry counts....right?

July 29, 2009 at 12:05 AM  
Blogger Mwa said...

Too many kids! But will you be posting that comments tutorial from the asylum, because I still want to read it.

July 29, 2009 at 6:18 AM  
Blogger Leigh (Modern Mommy) said...

FOURTY FIFTH!!!

Take that, suckers!!!

P.S. Make sure it's a big dunce cap. I have big hair.

July 29, 2009 at 8:57 AM  
Blogger Nap Warden said...

That's too many kids! I can barely take my two toddlers...adding more to the mix...I'm scared:O

July 29, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Stimey said...

And "elbows off the table, motherfuckers!" is so exactly why I love you so much.

July 29, 2009 at 6:47 PM  
Blogger Charmaine said...

What did you people to at the Blogher conference, anyway?

July 29, 2009 at 7:41 PM  
Blogger Domestic Goddess (In Training) said...

You worry about elbows on the table? I stop caring just short of feces being thrown onto the furniture. Is that wrong?

July 29, 2009 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I am leaving you a comment. And it's a comment that proves how not funnier than you I am.

I am so getting a gold star for this one.

July 29, 2009 at 9:42 PM  
Blogger Issas Crazy World said...

So what, your kids will have an accent to them anyway. Unless you make them talk in a Russian one, which I so think you should do.

Although I have this theory that you are in the witness relocation program and really from Tanapah, Nevada or something, in which case, they'd not have an accent at all.

I need to rethink my whole idea now. Dang it.

July 29, 2009 at 10:36 PM  
Blogger p-huong said...

Dang, why do you have to call me out like that? I don't like being singled out during class...

August 1, 2009 at 5:23 PM  

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