If You See Me At BlogHer
So I'm going to BlogHer in July, are you? If you are a non-blogger, BlogHer is like a blogging convention is where bloggers (people who like to express themselves via the written word and avoid all unnecessary human interaction) get together to meet and greet face to face. Personally, I plan to participate via Twitter.
To make things go smoother, I put together a list of important things to know about me when we meet. You know, to avoid awkwardness.
1. I don't like to hug hello, good bye, or top of the morn to you.
2. Forget about kissing. And just to get this out of the way, you're not undoing my bra, either.
3. I don't mind shaking hands unless you're all limp and moist. Or I am.
4. You know that crap about how it takes a million muscles to frown but just one to smile? That totally doesn't work for me. My face naturally sets in a frown. I'm sorry! Even if I'm feeling super cheerful, which I am, like 99.9% of the time, I look like I'm pissed off.
5. I don't like pictures. Posing for them or seeing other people's. Your kids are adorable, your husband is a hunk and OMG, that looks like the best vacation ever. We're good now, right?
6. I was planning on wearing jeans through the whole thing, but Wendi told me that I need a slutty cocktail dress. I'll be channeling Courtney Love circa 1990. So the no smiling thing will still work for me.
7. I'm lonely! Why is everyone avoiding me? Just because I'm a frowning non-hugger dressed like a whore?
8. So my real name isn't Marinka and I can't quite bring myself to introduce myself as "Marinka". Can I get away with "Jenny"?
9. A few years ago I diagnosed myself with auditory processing disorder, which means that if more than one person is talking, I can't follow any conversation. I would really appreciate it if people spoke one at a time throughout BlogHer. If it's not too much to ask, maybe we can make a chart? Like Anymommy will speak on Friday from noon to 12:04, then Shallow Gal will pipe in at 12:05. Is that ok?
10. I feel bad asking this, but please have your blog URL tattooed on your forehead. I'll do the same. Because I have a freakishly huge forehead, so there's plenty of room. Also, forehead is slang for "ass", right? I just want to make sure that you'll be able to find me.
Bonus: I am super jealous of everyone who is a keynote community speaker at BlogHer. First I thought that I'd be big about it and be happy about it, but fuck that shit. I'm totally heckling them all. Or locking them in their room. Whichever requires less work on my part.
So, are you going? Can't wait to meet you! Smooches!
To make things go smoother, I put together a list of important things to know about me when we meet. You know, to avoid awkwardness.
1. I don't like to hug hello, good bye, or top of the morn to you.
2. Forget about kissing. And just to get this out of the way, you're not undoing my bra, either.
3. I don't mind shaking hands unless you're all limp and moist. Or I am.
4. You know that crap about how it takes a million muscles to frown but just one to smile? That totally doesn't work for me. My face naturally sets in a frown. I'm sorry! Even if I'm feeling super cheerful, which I am, like 99.9% of the time, I look like I'm pissed off.
5. I don't like pictures. Posing for them or seeing other people's. Your kids are adorable, your husband is a hunk and OMG, that looks like the best vacation ever. We're good now, right?
6. I was planning on wearing jeans through the whole thing, but Wendi told me that I need a slutty cocktail dress. I'll be channeling Courtney Love circa 1990. So the no smiling thing will still work for me.
7. I'm lonely! Why is everyone avoiding me? Just because I'm a frowning non-hugger dressed like a whore?
8. So my real name isn't Marinka and I can't quite bring myself to introduce myself as "Marinka". Can I get away with "Jenny"?
9. A few years ago I diagnosed myself with auditory processing disorder, which means that if more than one person is talking, I can't follow any conversation. I would really appreciate it if people spoke one at a time throughout BlogHer. If it's not too much to ask, maybe we can make a chart? Like Anymommy will speak on Friday from noon to 12:04, then Shallow Gal will pipe in at 12:05. Is that ok?
10. I feel bad asking this, but please have your blog URL tattooed on your forehead. I'll do the same. Because I have a freakishly huge forehead, so there's plenty of room. Also, forehead is slang for "ass", right? I just want to make sure that you'll be able to find me.
Bonus: I am super jealous of everyone who is a keynote community speaker at BlogHer. First I thought that I'd be big about it and be happy about it, but fuck that shit. I'm totally heckling them all. Or locking them in their room. Whichever requires less work on my part.
So, are you going? Can't wait to meet you! Smooches!
posted by Marinka at
12:22 PM
42 Comments:
Im going to tattoo my url across my chest.
You are going to have to take a picture of that. No?
If you see me in the opposite corner avoiding pictures, dressed slutty- what can be our sign? I feel very similar and am quite nervous!
Try answering a reporter with, "Um, my name is Mr Lady?"
Yeah.
hilarious! now i wish i was going!
Dude my face is permanently set to frown too, also my eyebrows are always "knitted" together, but I promise I'm friendly. I'll be the one with red hair and pasty ass skin.
There goes my plan of tackling you and covering you in wet, slobbery kisses. Damn.
I am not a hugger or kisser either. More like a smack on the ass kind of girl. And I'll be damned if you need me to tattoo my url anywhere, I mean, I expect to see a sign hanging from your neck saying 'No talky, waiting for Traci.'
Are you telling me to take the six huge photo albums out of my already packed suitcase? We will not be sitting on a bed in our room giggling and looking at pictures and occasionally hugging because we are so darn happy?
Any chance you will be initiating my five minute window for conversation since my ability to communicate with other people disappears when I feel at all awkward or nervous.
I am confused. Do you mean people will recognize you by your abnormally large ass? Or that you will have your cheeks hanging out so that everyone can see your URL?
Like minds, dude. Which is why I'm totally boycotting BlogHer. I hate people. I just like them to laugh at my jokes. Have fun. (Or sit in the corner next to the open bar and do shots of goldschlagger. Well, that's what I would do...)
YOUR NAME ISN'T MARINKA? I think the sky just fell. My world is crushed. I wrote A WHOLE FUCKING SONG for you and NONE OF IT rhymes with "Jenny".
That being said, I don't like to hug or kiss either. At least not before I've had a glass or two of wine.
Your name is Jenny? No way.
I'm going to call you something else entirely.
I haven't decided what yet.
I'm a brand new blogger, so I will definitely not be going to BlogHer. The thought of it makes me all squiggly inside.
Good luck!
That would be quite a sight, instead "Hello, My Name is..." stickers on everyon'es chest, everyone can walk around with the blog url on their forehead. Very creative. Wish I was going. Perhaps next year.
Scent-sationally yours,
Patty Reiser
If I were going I might hug you anyway Jenny. At least air kiss.
But I'm not going. I don't want to talk about it either.
not going...you should be happy I'd move in for a NY style straight to the mouth kiss....
As soon as I spot you I'm going to give you a huge hug and a kiss. Then I am going to yell as loud as I can, "look everyone!!! It's Marinka!!!!!"
Just kidding. I'm not much of a hugger either. But I can't wait to show you all me latest pictures of my kids. I just know you'll love them.
Cocktail dress?
I'm not going. My tiara is too dusty.
I DID NOT KNOW I NEEDED A COCKTAIL DRESS!!!!
i guess i'll be the one there in jeans...and a very firm, very dry handshake. but i'll be looking for you...
No hugs? Even for folks you've already met "in real life"? That's okay, I am not much of a huggier either but I am up for a firm handshake and I WILL make you smile!
you better find me, cause we will stick together like GLUE. without actually touching. or kissing.
and I am SO wearing jeans. I don't even OWN a cocktail dress. Although I have cocktails. on occasion.
heh ;-)
I'm taking notes now.
1) We might be star crossed twins. Just bear that in mind. Pretty much, I am the same AND my name isn't Marinka either.
2) I am not going this year but I will go next year if it means I have to pimp myself out to get there ... or, more likely, pimp someone else out on my bahalf.
3) Next year, we scheme and plot together to make you Head MF Keynote Speaker What Be In Charge!
The more I read about people going to this damn thing, the more jealous I get. Beware of a crazy woman in Chicago in the hotel(s) slipping papers under the door. She is NOT leaving the bill....just sayin'.....
I'm so nervous. But I have one thing going for me - cute blog cards. Do you have yours already? You know, like business cards with your url and stuff on it. Mine even say my real name. Which really is Christy, by the way. Shocking, I know.
I'm not going to BlogHer. I did the one day thing in DC and felt all weird and junior-highy the whole day (does anyone like me????) I'll miss giving you a big bear hug, though!
You know I'll be there...and you just totally killed my buzz, I had planned to wear jeans:P
Fwiw, I'm a natural frowning non hugger myself;) Can't wait to meed you a nod!
There's already gonna be a Jenny there. Marinka is a hot name! Or use something fun like Pussy Galore.
Yeah, I'm bitter about the community keynoters too. Find me beforehand and we can heckle them together.
If you think introducing yourself as Marinka is strange, try Stimey. Marinka at least sounds sexy and exotic.
Uggh. I just had a baby 4 months ago and the only part of a cocktail dress this tail will fit into is the cocktail. Eeehhhh, not 100% sure about going to BlogHer anyway. Waahhh! I'll be one of the ones with the papoose in tote though if you do see me. Ooh and I'll have my URL tastefully embroidered on my baby sling;)... promise...ok no.
I'll be one of the 5,000 Amys there standing in a corner pretending that I'm not talking to anyone by choice.
Slutty cocktail dress? Seriously? Shit!
I am so making my own list next week.
I had heard that Marinka was not your real name. Now I'm starting to wonder if you are really an old guy in Ohio named Joe. Maybe you should go by Joe, since there are so many Jenny's going to be there? ;)
Don't hate me cause I'm speaking at the keynote okay? Because it will be really funny to watch me pass out. If you need to hate someone for it, Stacey is the chick. Cause she's the reason mine got sent in. I? Am not that brave.
i'm going. i'm the one that's always bright red from blushing, who backs away a little if you get to close in my personal space, who does hug but doesn't linger in that hug...i could go on...
but yeah. i'm going.
and hey...it'll be nice to meet you too.
can someone PLEASE get me a ticket so I can go...PLEASE???
writing my blog address (TheCocktailCafe.com) and dressing in my slutty cocktail dress isn't a problem for me.
Although, I do like taking pics as long as the moms are as crazy as me.
HELP ME PLEASE!
Glad I found out about this blog. Great writing by the way.
Oh, not your real name? I'm so astounded!
Sincerely,
Ella*
* not my real name either
All I ever wear is jeans, and I don't own a cocktail dress, slutty or otherwise, so I'll be in jeans. But I promise not to kiss you.
How do you feel about waving? High fives? Fist bumps? I need to know. ;) I saw your very oh so brief vlog, and so I know what you look like. I WILL find you! (teehee) (that's not creepy at all, is it?)
I was on vacation when you posted these very important "things to know" so I missed it. Thank goodness I found it otherwise I would be hugging you and what not. So I'll just give you a chest bump for hello and a pinch on the ass for goodbye. You ok with that?
hey! You said smooches! I thought we agreed on no kissing!
I can't wait to meet you, so I will be looking for a grumpy non-kissing, non-hugging woman who is not names Marinka. I'm sure you'll be easy to find in a room with 1300 people.
"You know that crap about how it takes a million muscles to frown but just one to smile? That totally doesn't work for me. My face naturally sets in a frown. I'm sorry! Even if I'm feeling super cheerful, which I am, like 99.9% of the time, I look like I'm pissed off."
Hahaha, you just described me perfectly. I was harassed in H.S. for always looking like a bitch...it's just that when I don't actively try to smile I appear pissy.
I like the dark brooding look anyway :P Who wants to seem happy all the time?
I'll see your whore cocktail dress and raise you some red lipstick.
See you tomorrow... ;)
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