Saturday, October 17, 2009

Top Thoughts About the Balloon Boy

* How long before we have a new song: Where Were You When The World Stopped Spinning And Started Watching What Looked Like A Tin Foil Chef's Hat Floating Through the Air?

* By the way, how big is Colorado? Shouldn't that thing have been in Mexico after three hours of floating?

* Thank you, Falcon's parents for making me feel like a fantastic mom. Because my kids have never hidden in the attic while there was a nationwide hunt for them. Although admittedly, we don't have an attic.

* If you name your kid FALCON, don't be shocked if at some point he's airborne. That's why my kids have practical names like Playing Wii and Couch Potato.

* I live in an apartment building, so are garage attics a common phenomenon? I suspect that the authorities didn't find him because they didn't know that this space existed.

* To win over public support, Falcon should be Anne Frank for Halloween. He already has the whole hiding in the attic thing down.

* Although the mother did say that they checked small drawers for Falcon. Yes, the silverware tray was my first thought too.

* Is anyone investigating the father's bowl haircut?

* I watched this family on Wife Swap so I'm like a total expert on them.

* Husbandrinka doesn't give a shit about this whole story and wasn't aware that I watch stuff like Wife Swap.

* I spent way too long explaining the concept of Wife Swap to my kids last night.

* And helping them download an application.

* When Falcon was still Not Found, I was interviewed by and quoted as saying that if I had one of those balloon things in my backyard, I'd have either it or my children tethered to the ground at all times, possibly both. Just as I was enjoying my new fame and fortune, Falcon was found and the story was no longer relevant and was replaced. In other word, Falcon ruined my life.

* I love all the Falcon neighbor interviews where they say that they're a great family. You can tell that all the neighbors are terrified of the freaky family and don't want to be killed by them when they inevitably snap.

* And to everyone on Twitter who thought it was inappropriate and insensitive to laugh at this situation before the boy was found alive and well: next time, trust me. I'm very intuitive.


Blogger hokgardner said...

"and don't want to be killed by them"

My thoughts exactly!

October 17, 2009 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger pam said...

"Falcon ruined my life" hahahaha

Ruined his dad's dreams of fame and fortune too!

October 17, 2009 at 9:26 AM  
Blogger Kabbalah Rookie said...

Good points, well made.

I thought it odd that nobody could see a boy-shaped dent in the balloon whilst it was in the air and didn't think that was strange. Surely it would have been scraping along the ground with a small child inside, no?

But then if he was small enough for them to be checking all of the small drawers in the house...

October 17, 2009 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

All excellent thoughts. But you forgot to add that apparently they poisoned the boy so he wouldn't be able to tell the truth on GMA and The Today Show, but instead would spend the whole show puking. GENIUS!

October 17, 2009 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I want to go over there and slap them all. Duh, the kid was fine and it was a freakin' media stunt, I hope they pay for that. That family is nuts.

My husband felt bad for them and believed the crap story until he saw a clip of the pcyhos on Wife Swap.

Way to give Colorado a bad name!!!

October 17, 2009 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

omg Marinka I am laughing out loud.

OUT LOUD. (And frankly, I'm supposed to be cleaning, so you just caused me to get busted.)


October 17, 2009 at 11:04 AM  
Blogger Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

This is frickin hilarious! I felt like a pretty good mom during this whole thing, too. I do hope if my kid started puking I'd cut the interview short and tend to him.

I would watch you on Wife Swap!

October 17, 2009 at 11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First off all, I laughed so loud my dog stared.

Okay, I don't have a dog, but if I did he would have stared. :)

Crazy funny. First off all, I understand the don't want to be killed by the neighbors thing, I have a few I talk to just in case. And actually, oddly enough, one of those had the police search the area and everything else while there kid snuck into a friends house undetected. What is it with losing kids? They never seem to dissapear when you want it most.

October 17, 2009 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Kiki said...

i didn't even know about it, until my sis called. i thought it was a hoax. i read they have been shopping their own reality show as a storm chasing family. the police have been called to the house on 3 separate occasions for arguments, and one time the mom's face was beat up. there is a youtube video of the boys rapping a song using curse words. i think the parents are after their 15 minutes. it's sad that the kids have to be involved in their scheming. take care.

October 17, 2009 at 12:30 PM  
Blogger Sophie said...

Waddaya mean "making you feel like a fantastic mom"?

Aren't we all that, by definition? Aren't all *other moms* horrible compared to *me*?

October 17, 2009 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger Ann Imig said...

I was sadly behind in my balloon boy news, and finally read a post about it.

I thought the Blogger was just being clever when she addressed him as Falcon.

October 17, 2009 at 1:39 PM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

This list was seriously awesome. Inspired.

October 17, 2009 at 3:16 PM  

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