Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Most of the Real Housewives of New York and Me

Guess what I did tonight?

I went to a Kodak-sponsored event that was hosted by RHONY's own Jill Zarin, one of my top five favorite Real Housewives of New York. As soon as I got to the hotel, I was asked to sign a nondisclosure manifesto. So let me reassure you that I will not be disclosing anything, and not just because I was too busy sampling all the signature cocktails.

I signed my life away and then the check in lady told me that Bravo was filming and OMG, can you guess what they were filming? It wasn't Shear Genius, but it certainly would have been my lucky day if they were styling hair. Yes, it was RHONY.

All the fabulous ladies were there. Kelly, The Countess, Jill, of course, and Ramona. Also Bobby! And Allie!

Here are my somewhat catty observations:

* Is LuAnn's ex husband blind or something? Because he may be a Count, but she's a fucking goddess.

* Kelly is beautiful too. And both she and LuAnn are so tall. And thin. Fuck.

* Kelly is also smiley.

and toothy.

* Jill is adorable. There was a woman who was doing her make up that looked so superglamorous it was almost too much for me. The make up woman reminded me of Anna Nicole Smith. Except, you know, alive.

* Ramona has a cute new haircut. She is shorter than the others. Also, she was kind of off to the side.

* Except when Jill was making a presentation, there was a Raising of the Voices and everyone looked over and Ramona and Kelly were having a heated exchange. I can't remember what was said, I think it was along the lines of "Do you read The Mouthy Housewives? That's where I get all my advice!" and then Ramona said, "Yes, I love it!" or maybe something else that ended with Ramona STORMING OUT and Kelly saying "Bye! Hope you enjoyed that" or SOMETHING. Shit, I'd be the worst spy. But it was totally dramatic and JUST LIKE ON TV!

* The only RHONY that I saw eating anything was Jill. So I took a picture.

* I am a very bad photographer with a piece of shit for a camera.

As you can see, there were people there with bigger and better cameras. Also, they seemed to be following the concept of FACING the subject that they were photographing. Show offs.
* It wasn't until I got home that I realized that Bethenny wasn't there. I didn't miss her.

* I stood right next to Bobby a few times. Yes, you all may touch me.

* I did miss Alex and Simon, though.

* I am now having a huge anxiety attack that I was secretly filmed by Bravo. Probably talking to myself. And putting hors d'ovaries into my purse.

It was so much fun! I didn't talk to anyone except like the head of Kodak or something and the barkeep, but I'm pretty sure that the Real Housewives of New York and I are totally best friends now. God, I hope they want to borrow my clothes. Or lend me theirs.



Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

What! They didn't sign you up for the next season?

And did you miss Simon or just his red leather pants?

October 14, 2009 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

That's awesome!

And it reminds me that we need to come up with nondisclosure agreements for the Aiming Low party.

October 14, 2009 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger OHmommy said...

"I am now having a huge anxiety attack that I was secretly filmed by Bravo. Probably talking to myself. And putting hors d'ovaries into my purse."

OMG. I can't wait to tune in. I can almost picture it. Marinka with a piece of shit camera talking to herself, on camera. You will be famous and all over Talk Soup.

Can I have your autograph?

October 14, 2009 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I have stood next to you! That makes me awesome!!

Very cool. I probably would have smacked Kelly and her stupid smile off her face. WEll, not really, that would have made me look stupid, but I most definitely wouldn't have smile back.

October 14, 2009 at 9:51 PM  
Blogger Anna Whiston-Donaldson said...

This is crazy fun!

Not as fun as reading Joyce's Ulysses, but fun nonetheless! Will I see you on tv????

October 14, 2009 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger Kiki said...

great pictures. i would have taken the same type of shots. i don't have the balls to go right up to "celebrities" and take pictures. i stay in the background and stalk them. i am super jealous. too bad Bethenny wasn't there. i luv her. i hope she is still on the show. not sure i will tune in if she is not there with her one-liners. take care.

October 14, 2009 at 11:17 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

Bethenny has her own show now.

October 14, 2009 at 11:22 PM  
Blogger Brittany said...

Holy crap, dude! You're so brave. The minute they said, "filming", I'd have been out of there! But that's so cool you got to see all of them live, in person. You'll have to let us know if you end up on TV!

October 15, 2009 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

That's awesome! I can't wait to see if you were on tv, subtly pocketing caviar while looking around suspiciously.
I hope the non disclosure part is your tennis match with Ramona!

October 15, 2009 at 3:07 AM  
Blogger LTYM said...

I am heartbroken for you that Simon wasn't there. I know how you've been secretly plotting to steal him away from Alex ever since you saw him in his red leather pants.

October 15, 2009 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

How does Kodak feel about babies?

October 15, 2009 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Wow, maybe now Bravo will come to their senses and get You Your Own Show. Now that, I'd watch!

October 15, 2009 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger hokgardner said...

I wa sso totally hoping that you'd have some scoop on Kelly being her usual crazy self and slapping a "boyfriend" or something.

October 15, 2009 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger PsychMamma said...

"hors d'ovaries" {snort} Here's how I pronounce that:

WHORES da ovaries

Awesome. You totally rock.

October 15, 2009 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

That is so cool that you got invited to that event. I've never seen the show so I'd have been like huh? Who's famous here? But glad you had fun!

October 15, 2009 at 9:45 AM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

Since I don't know who any of those women are, it's my conclusion that you were the most famous person there. Nice work out there solo on the blogger circuit.

October 15, 2009 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Elenka said...

What a fun event! I don't watch that stuff, so I don't know any of those women....but I am familiar with barkeep now and then.

October 15, 2009 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger I'm Nate's Mom said...

Ahahahaha! Did you share crockpot recipes with them? Maybe that's the secret to their thinness: the food takes so long to cook, you forget you were ever hungry.

October 15, 2009 at 10:26 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Got a great mental image of that make up woman in my mind and now I can't get "Don't Be Tardy for the Party' out of my head. Fuck.

October 15, 2009 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

I'm SO freaking JEALOUS!!! But I got an AUTOGRAPHED book from a real life published author...I'm STILL basking in that one!

October 15, 2009 at 11:33 AM  
Blogger Jane @ Jane's Junk and Treasures said...

How FUN!!!

What I wouldn't give to see those freaks Alex and Simon!!!!

I'm all caught up in the Jersey housewives too!!!

October 15, 2009 at 11:38 AM  
Blogger Susie said...

I was going to ask you months ago if you watched that show because that's how I sort of imagined you living. Funny you saw them in real life!

October 15, 2009 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I'm so jealous. It makes me want to move to NYC, even if you don't have a Target. There's always Target online, right?

Anyway, I hope you pitched to Bravo about a Mouthy Housewives TV show. But that's probably in the nondisclosure thing you had to sign.

October 15, 2009 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger ~Laura said...

Oh, lucky girl!! I love the RHONY. I don't watch any of the other versions, but NY. Glad you have a good time. You are so famous now...

October 15, 2009 at 2:11 PM  
Blogger justme said...

i think i would have a hard time being in the same room with kelly and not asking her what exactly is wrong with her. she is horrible. where the new ladies there ???

October 15, 2009 at 10:31 PM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

I just wish I knew what the hell you were talking about....

October 16, 2009 at 1:22 AM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

Kelly looks just like a horse. In the nicest way possible, of course.

October 16, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

The funniest thing about this post is that you were at a KODAK sponsored event - with a piece of shit camera. LOL

October 16, 2009 at 6:57 PM  
Blogger Grace Matthews said...

I do not watch the RHONY but it's awesome that you saw them and now I want to start watching it just so I can see you piling food into your purse :)

October 16, 2009 at 8:28 PM  
Blogger Vodka Mom said...

Marinka? MARINKA!!!!! Are you sure they weren't all there secretly to meet YOU?????

omg that is a great story.

October 17, 2009 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger bernthis said...

omg, I would have loved to have gone with you. not that I was invited because kodak clearly is anti semitic oh wait you're a Jew too, oh then it's me personally they hate. Great

October 17, 2009 at 3:06 PM  

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