Wednesday, October 14, 2009

How To Make Your Husband Insane

So Husbandrinka, the kids and I are driving home after a lovely three day weekend at my parents' dacha and because it has been 12 minutes since my last meal, I ask Husbandrinka what he thinks we should have for dinner.

And he says, "Well, we ate a lot all weekend, so why don't we just go to Gray's Papaya and get a couple of hot dogs?"

And I'm all, "If you want to gorge on hot dogs, just say so, don't act like it's some new diet food or something."

And he says, "How long is this menopause going to last?"

And I say, "As long as you keep saying inane things, so I estimate approximately forever."

And we drove in silence for the next three minutes, which I suspect he kind of enjoyed.

And then a Kinks song came on, which he loves. And I remembered my passive aggressive trick which I haven't used in like ages. This is advanced shit, people, so don't try it at home.

When someone is listening to the song that they love, sing along with the lyrics, but translate them into Spanish. For some strange reason, it makes people absolutely insane. And if you're not that great in Spanish, try Spanglish. It's fun and easy.

Like I did.

Here are the lyrics:

Come dancing,
Come on sister, have yourself a ball.
Don't be afraid to come dancing,
It's only natural.

This is what I sang:

Come-o bailando!
Hermana, tengo yourself un pellota!
No teine meiedo para bailando!
Solamente natural!

See? It totally keeps you on your feet by exercising your brain, so I'm pretty sure that it fights Alzheimer's too!

After that the rest of the ride was spent in silence to the Nth power, interrupted only by my thanking Husbandrinka, profusely, for taking the scenic route, because I certainly didn't want to get home early after being away for three days and kids being cooped up in the car forever only enhanced everyone's mood.

Don't forget to enter the Big Apple Circus giveaway!



Blogger Nicole Pelton said...

That was too awesome! thanks for the tip.

October 14, 2009 at 3:04 AM  
Blogger Christine Gram said...

Bleck. That does not sound like fun.

October 14, 2009 at 4:20 AM  
Blogger Vicki said...

Wow, your tip is so much better than my tip and less drastic. I usually just turn off the radio and when he protests, quietly say, "What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of me thinking about what recipe I'm making for dinner." Then he has to weigh the singing against eating ever again.

October 14, 2009 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

How fun! And I bet you all enjoyed your hotdog dinner too!

October 14, 2009 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Mommycosm said...

Yep, filing that tip away for our next road trip.

October 14, 2009 at 8:00 AM  
Blogger Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

Usually, it's asking my husband what we should have for dinner that drives ME insane.
He always says I DUNNO or YOU PICK.
And sometimes he takes the easy way out and says "Let's go out."
Which leads to the next mind-bending question,
To this I answer that I don't care, but I'm really hungry so let's hurry before I eat my arm or the baby.
Then I throw out some suggestions (none being gray's papaya, unfortunately-being in FL) and he says "Nah" to all of them except for the one he was originally thinking of when he made the suggestion, so why didn't he just say, "Let's go to HOOTERS" in the first place instead of taking me on this seizure-induced trip down restaurant row?
Really, husband? HOOTERS?
Where's the baby, pass the salt.

October 14, 2009 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I like to bring the pot to boil faster by "accidentally" changing the station to some R&B station. *evil laugh* Singing along to Gold Digger at the top of my lungs does wonders for my husband's internal body temperature and blood pressure. Especially if all three kids join in, too.

October 14, 2009 at 8:49 AM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Yet another reason to be fluent in another language!
Aren't family car trips the best??

October 14, 2009 at 9:07 AM  
Blogger CSY said...

Oh, I am SO happy we didn't take the kids to PA with us back in April. We barely make it to the beach (which is only 45 mins from us) without a fight ensuing. Great Post!

October 14, 2009 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger Gone, long gone. said...

Luckily for me, my wife only reads Cake Wrecks and will never see your helpful advice.

October 14, 2009 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger Mwa said...

Gee, I wish we could have fun trips in the car like that. No, wait, we do.

October 14, 2009 at 10:27 AM  
Blogger Kevin McKeever said...

Having heard the Kinks sing in Spanish before, I'm sure you did a better job.

October 14, 2009 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger peajaye said...

Next time an epidose of Real Housewives or General Hospital "accidentally" doesn't tivo, you might want to think about your radio strategy.

October 14, 2009 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Lynn C Mama to 3 said...

Man, all I had to do to drive my husband insane was marry him. The rest is just icing on the "soon to be eaten at the mental institution" cake.

October 14, 2009 at 2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

friend-I may have you beat. Wait 'til I tell the tale of how Lice almost ruined my marriage.

October 14, 2009 at 2:29 PM  
Blogger Harlem's A Hatin said...

So hilarious, I am going to try that Spanglish trick on my man!!

October 14, 2009 at 3:04 PM  
Blogger anymommy said...

That might be the best method for secretly driving someone insane that I've ever heard.

October 14, 2009 at 3:58 PM  
Blogger Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...

Don't you just love those subtle little games???

October 14, 2009 at 6:11 PM  
Blogger Frogs in my formula said...

If I did that to my husband he'd probably open the car door and push me out. Of course, then all bets would be off.

October 14, 2009 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

Nobody likes a show-off, Marinka. *tsk tsk*

October 14, 2009 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Sophie said...

Help! help! I'm being abused by my own mother!

She sings at me famous Italian arias. In Romanian.

October 15, 2009 at 3:09 AM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

They have a vegetarian hotdog stand in Calcutta. Gotta love those guys....

October 16, 2009 at 1:23 AM  
Blogger Woo222 said...

OMG I am sooo going to use your new trick with Bean when she is annoying in the car. If you don't hear from me for a while, it may be because I've been pushed from a moving vehicle. ~Susan

October 16, 2009 at 7:29 AM  

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