Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The Crock Pot Cometh

What you missed yesterday: Due to Husbandrinka's cruelty, I was unable to purchase a crock pot naturally in the store, and instead had to adopt one online. Every day I monitored its shipping progress, dreaming of the day that it would be in my arms. Finally that day arrived.

The crock pot arrived and I was totally ready. I had all the ingredients purchased in advance so as soon as the box was opened and the introductions were out of the way, I got right to work. The recipe (below!) was super easy, although by the time I finished opening all the cans I was totally drained and deprived of the will to live. So, I put it all in, set the slow cooker to "low" and sat back. I was cooking without gas. Perfect.

Husbandrinka got home an hour later and as I fetched him his pipe and slippers he glanced at the slow cooker, lifted the lid and said, "that looks pretty good! Is it ready?" and I said, "Almost! In six to seven hours."
Which for some reason confused him. "In 7 hours, it'll be 3 am," he told me. Okay. And in eight hours, it will be 4 am, what are we learning to tell time or something?

"Yes, it will be ready at 3 am. Dinner will be late tonight. But we have lots of fresh water."
Husbandrinka looks at me like I am deranged, but I don't see what the big deal is. It's a slow cooker. And it's not my fault that I started dinner at 8 pm.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that you're supposed to load it up in the morning so that the dinner is ready in the evening. Which is an excellent point, except UPS delivered the slow cooker in the evening and since I am not adept in time travel, how was I supposed to go back to the morning and prepare it?

So after that, Husbandrinka ate an egg sandwich and everything went smoothly. Except for the part where I had to set my alarm for 3 am in order to turn off the slow cooker. And then I had to taste the chicken taco soup, because it was just sitting there, looking all ready and lonely. And then after I tasted it, I had to drink eight bladdersfull of water because it was pretty salty. And then I spent the rest of the night peeing. And worrying if it was so salty that I developed instant hypertension. And asking everyone in my family to try it in the morning to see if they thought it was salty or it was just me.

But other than that, a great success! Really, I don't know why everyone doesn't get a crock pot.

Secret Crock pot recipe for Chicken Taco Soup, that I got from an online friend:

Chicken Taco Soup

3 FROZEN boneless, skinless chicken breasts (they have to be frozen, doesn't work if they are thawed. So be sure to take them out of the Styrofoam tray and bag them three to a bag before freezing)
1 Packet ranch dressing mix
1 Packet taco seasoning mix
2 Cups jarred salsa
1-15 oz. can black beans
1-15 oz. can canelli beans
1-15 oz. can kidney beans
1-15 oz. can pinto beans
1-15 oz. can vegetarian baked beans
1-15 oz. can corn

Put everything in the crock pot IN THE ORDER listed.

Next: The crock pot is ruining John's life.

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Blogger Kirsten said...

I can't believe you didn't take any photos. What kind of food blogger are you?

October 6, 2009 at 1:59 AM  
Blogger Momcat said...

I have even done a roast in my slow cooker (except that it probably couldnt be called a roast after that) but it was wonderfully tender. My crockpot broke after a long time. I must get another one.

October 6, 2009 at 2:33 AM  
Blogger Sophie said...

I can't see the problem there. I mean, it's not like you added any SALT.


Anyway, to be of some help, you can try watering it down a bit, and adding potatos. lots of potatos. They absorb the salt.

Good story!

October 6, 2009 at 2:55 AM  
Blogger rachael chatoor said...


Looks gorgeous around here, sorry I have missed you of late, the soup looks YUM!

October 6, 2009 at 3:51 AM  
Blogger Mwa said...

I'm sure someone's told you already, but your crockpot is turning you into a crackpot.

October 6, 2009 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger Formerly known as Frau said...

I'm jealous of your crock pot! Really I had to leave mine in states and I can't find one in this god forsaken country.Enjoy!

October 6, 2009 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger Maureen@IslandRoar said...

God, your family could've rolled with it and had a late night/early morning dinner just this one time; don't you think? After you went to all that trouble? What do you have to do to be appreciated?
WE appreciate you, Marinka. Make US some salty soup.

October 6, 2009 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...

I bet that soup was great for breakfast. . . send it in with the kids for a mid-morning snack too. . .

October 6, 2009 at 8:21 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

Hmmm I might try this one. My first crock pot meal was a disaster. Beef that smelled like tuna. Eww is right.

October 6, 2009 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

My god, Marinka is cooking with a crock pot. Isn't that in the bible, as a sign of the end of the world?

I can't believe they don't have a Target in NYC. WTF? I'm never moving there.

October 6, 2009 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger Keyona said...

So....exactly when the fuck am I supposed to turn it on? 8pm or 8am? But I leave for work at 6:40am. WTF! I give up. :o)

October 6, 2009 at 11:49 AM  
Blogger Maddness of Me said...

I'm looking at all the beans in this recipe and thinking you may not have been cooking with gas, but I'm sure there was some gas involved later.

Looks delish.

October 6, 2009 at 12:48 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

I am currently cooking dinner as I write this. In my crock pot. It's not that I'm copying you; it's that we're apparently experiencing Vulcan mind melding, and I thought of making a crock pot dinner this morning too. (You might blame it on the fact that our whole kitchen is covered in plastic for painting, so I can't cook the normal way, but I know the truth: you're really a Vulcan.)

October 6, 2009 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

Just to clarify: I'm not writing while sitting in my crock pot. I'm cooking in the crock pot while sitting at my desk writing.

October 6, 2009 at 1:24 PM  
Blogger Jeanne Estridge said...

If you forget to separate and bag the chicken breasts, you can always split them apart after they're frozen using a screwdriver.

Would you like to come to dinner?

October 6, 2009 at 1:32 PM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

The crock pot always lets me down. It makes everything taste like stew.

October 6, 2009 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger Elenka said...

ha ha...can't have salt, so I won't be trying that one!
Hope you enjoyed it!

October 6, 2009 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

My sister gave me her crock pot. It's so big it doubles as an armchair. One day I read the directions and the slow for 4 hours and long for 7-8 hours really messed me up.

So instead I put a roast in it and put it in the oven.

3 reasons this is wrong:

1.It melted the little top handle on the glass lid into an oblong shape that cannot be held by opposable thumb techology

2. I didn't know what temp to cook it at as it was a crock pot and not an oven pot.

3. I am retarded

October 6, 2009 at 2:24 PM  
Blogger ~Laura said...

This series is hilarious!! Love the tease for tomorrow. I am a failed crock pot chef. Perhaps, your recipes will help. Or, I could just order take out...

October 6, 2009 at 2:29 PM  
Blogger Lynn C Mama to 3 said...

Next time, might I suggest not adding the recipe if and only if you don't spend the paragraph preceeding it, talking about the various ways it has ruined your life (or just your night's sleep).

October 6, 2009 at 3:29 PM  
Blogger MKMom said...

Not that you asked but... my easiest crockpot recipe goes like this:

1 1/2 lb pork loin
1 jar of salsa verde dumped on top

Cook on high for two hours, low for 6ish. Serve with tortillas, chopped toms, avocado, etc. Delish.

October 6, 2009 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger Andrea's Sweet Life said...

That's a lot of fucking beans.

Seriously, you WILL be cooking with gas, come tomorrow.

Also, I've gotten tons of slow cooker recipes from The Crockpot Lady - I think it's crockpot365.com.

October 6, 2009 at 6:25 PM  
Blogger traci said...

You should know that the first few times you leave the house with the crock pot on you should make sure you have a neighbors phone number with you, because you will undoubtedly think your apartment has burned down and you will need them check in. Then you might worry they ate all your food, which is okay because when the food turns out shitty, you just blame it on said neighbor screwing with your recipe.

You're welcome.

October 6, 2009 at 7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS, that is ME, Traci, commenting above. So make sure you thank me and not some random Traci for that info.

October 6, 2009 at 7:38 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

We are so into crockpot cooking that we actually upgraded to a bigger one (gave the starter pot to our neighbors). Now we're ready for the neighborhood pot luck! That is, once someone actually has one of those. But seriously - I love any cooking that involves minimal time in the kitchen. I'm a reluctant cook at best.

Can't wait for part 3...

October 6, 2009 at 11:29 PM  
Blogger Deb Rox said...

Look at the power of Oprah in your life! Awesome.

October 6, 2009 at 11:52 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

There are no tacos in your taco soup.

October 7, 2009 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

I know a great recipe for cat stew. I just have to find it.

October 7, 2009 at 11:27 PM  
Blogger Liz Fulcher, The Fragrant Muse said...

I'm a massage therapist who heats her hot stones in a crockpot. Do you think less of me?

PS. Found your blog today. Peeing my pants with laughter and hopelessly hooked.

October 8, 2009 at 8:54 AM  
Blogger rxBambi said...

I didn't wet myself, but I found you thru TFM above (musie is awesome, check her out).
Your secret recipe is just like mine but I use ground beef (and no kidney beans cuz I don't like the way they look).
Next time, put tortilla chips in your bowl, add the chili, top with cheese and sour cream.

October 10, 2009 at 5:56 PM  
Blogger McMommy said...

I made this recipe yesterday....SO GOOD!!! And I love, love, love that I don't have to remember to defrost anything!!

October 15, 2009 at 5:38 PM  

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