Sunday, June 28, 2009

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Getting a Cleaning Lady

I admit it.

I just can't get it up for the mommy wars.

Medicated or Natural Childbirth? My eyelids are getting heavy.

Stay at home mom vs. Working Outside the Home Mom vs. Working at Home Mom? Very heavy.

Breast or Bottle? This is the most relaxing sleep I've had in weeks.

Circumcision or Uncut? Seriously, check my vitals. I may be in a deep coma.

Moms who do reviews on their blogs vs. Those Who Don't? Flat lining.

But recently, I've learned through Twitter, which incidentally is so fucking educational, I'm sure our children will get college credit for reading it, that it is acceptable to hate women, mothers, who have cleaning ladies.

My eyelids are suddenly light as feathers and my eyes are wide open. I may never sleep again in the face of such hateful discrimination.

(OK, so I realize that I'm only showing what Neil said, even though others agreed with him. That's because I'm too lazy to find the other links, and it may in fact have been only Neil, but I am already outraged and will never admit that I am outraged over one measly comment).

As you may know, earlier this spring, I've mourned the loss of my cleaning lady. I had financial panic and also the type of megalomania that made me think that I could do the job by myself. And I did.

The only drawback seemed to be that every time that I was doing laundry, particularly folding the clothes, I'd be deep into a murder-suicide fantasy. Murder strictly in the Woody Allen in "Hannah and Her Sisters"-style because I assume my loved ones would not want to go on without me (to opt-out of the wanting to be murdered by me option, leave a comment below indicating your preference). And then I'd get all stressed out because I kept telling myself to remember to kill others first which seems like a lot of work for someone who is considering the whole mess because she's drained by folding laundry.

John has been completely unsympathetic, making comments like "you'll never get a job at the Gap" and threatening to send me a link to Martha Stewart demonstrating the fun and easy way to fold laundry which he insists will really get the kids into it. If he sends me that link, he'll be the first on my murder list.

So after watching me go all Yellow Wallpaper on the laundry for the past twelve weeks, Husbandrinka said "Screw it, let's just get someone."

The first woman met me, took a look at our cleaned-by-Marinka apartment, and instantly developed a cat allergy.

The second woman we met last week. She seemed super nice, is approximately eighty months pregnant and as I offered to show her the laundry room in the basement, said, "I don't do laundry."


I mean, I can't blame her, but WTF? And of course I'm smiling to show that yes, I agree, laundry is beneath her and of course, we should hire someone to do the laundry only, oh, you say that you have an amiga who can do it, but couldn't she just do it herself? And she says no, because she prefers to focus on cleaning.

So please don't hate me because I have a cleaning lady. Hate her because she doesn't do laundry.



Blogger K.Line said...

Occasionally I think I can manage cleaning the house on top of keeping it tidy, working full time, getting a kid to daycare/school and extra-curricular activities, food shopping, maintaining a landscaped front and back yard, paying bills, cooking and having 3 minutes to myself. That delusion rarely lasts long. When you encroach on my 3 minutes, all bets are off. And, must admit, laundry is de rigeur. We still end up doing a lot of it in between bi-monthly housekeeper visits, but not all of it.

June 28, 2009 at 9:21 PM  
Blogger Maggie May said...

i don't hate you; i'm insanely jealous though. if you can afford it, go for it. i am the personality type that gets a satisfaction from doing cleaning myself, and i do feel that in some ways it's important for a personality type like me (neurotic, bookish) to stay grounded in my life. i garden for this reason, although when i say 'i garden' i mean i water the plants and sometimes spend an hour in the dirt. STILL, the other side is that the distribution of household chores is notoriously hard on marriage and has been a sticking point in my own, plus i am trying to finish my fucking novel!- and we have two dogs and four cats and both work full time with three kids.

what was i saying again?


June 28, 2009 at 9:24 PM  
Blogger hokgardner said...

In a financial crunch, I would rather cancel my son's twice-a-week preschool than give up my twice-a-month cleaning lady, and she doesn't even do laundry. Spending every day with my hellion of a son is far preferable to cleaning toilets.

June 28, 2009 at 9:41 PM  
Blogger Liz Wilkey (a.k.a. A Mom on Spin) said...

Yeah. . . somehow laundry is always the worst part.

Well. . . maybe cleaning the toilets is just a step below that. . .

WTF. . .can't those kids of yours do their own laundry????

June 28, 2009 at 9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Massive props for the Yellow Wallpaper reference. Love that story, plan on slipping it into my "Women and Literature" class I get to teach this year.

Anywho, we just took a MASSIVE financial hit moving to Dallas from Austin, and currently our financial state of affairs might not provide me with a 2x a month cleaning lady that I have had for years.

And it makes me want to cry.

June 28, 2009 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger kristi said...

I never get caught up. I may think I am and I find a full hamper waiting for me.

My daughter is old enough to help thru the week thankfully.

Too bad I can't afford a cleaning lady. :(

June 28, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger Christy said...

Oh, it's just because they're jealous! We ALL wish we had cleaning ladies!

June 28, 2009 at 10:55 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

If my laundry room was in the basement I would damn well ask the cleaning lady to look after it too. As it is I have frequent laundry crises (first try, I spelled that "cries", which is actually pretty close to the truth).
Not sure what beef Neil has with people who hire cleaning ladies. Cleaning ladies have to feed their families too. My sparkling floor may as well do its part to help keep the economy going.

June 28, 2009 at 11:10 PM  
Anonymous Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

So, apologies to Neil. I am told he was joking.
I am very out of touch and also apparently lacking a sense of humor. Frequent bouts of laundry will do that to a person ;-)

June 28, 2009 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger SubWife said...

Wow, talk about narrow specialization.

June 28, 2009 at 11:20 PM  
Blogger Pop and Ice said...

I didn't know cleaning ladies did laundry! Guess I should have asked when I had one. Maybe I would have been so thrilled about that one extra bit of help and I would have kept her!

June 28, 2009 at 11:34 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

frankly, i don't know how you lived without one. i thought i was making a MAJOR sacrifice by having ours only come every other week (when i really want her to come once a week).

June 28, 2009 at 11:37 PM  
Blogger 2 Brits, 2 Yanks, 2 Dogs said...

I'd give up my Veuve Cliquot for a cleaning lady!

After my son was born my friend paid a cleaning crew to come and clean my house. One guy spent 3 hours in my 9'X 5' bathroom. I would have drunk out the toilet bowl by the time he finished. But more importantly how f***ing dirty was my bathroom if he had to spend 3 hours in there. I didn't think it was that bad!

June 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM  
Blogger efaqffqaewfm said...

We have a cleaning lady... I think we've had one for about 10 years now... I think it's a bit of a waste now, since we're all grown and can keep the house clean, but my mom keeps her.

June 29, 2009 at 12:52 AM  
Blogger mo.stoneskin said...

And what about Neil, do you want me to take him out?

June 29, 2009 at 1:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've done it both ways. It all depends on our finances at the time. Right now we have one, but she only comes once a month to do a deep clean. And I love her.

But can I hate you because you are funny an bright and all of that? Is that a good reason? :)

June 29, 2009 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger Momo Fali said...

Back when I was "just" a SAHM, I had a cleaning lady. It was heaven. Now that I work 25 hours a week and having writing gigs, I don't have her anymore. Which makes perfect sense.

June 29, 2009 at 8:42 AM  
Anonymous Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I don't hate you because you have a cleaning lady. I hate you because I DON'T.

Honestly, think of all the good works I'd have time to do if I didn't have to do all this fucking cleaning. I could negotiate peace with Korea if I had the time. The world is really suffering because I don't have a cleaning lady.

June 29, 2009 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger Claremont First Ward said...

I personally think moms who have cleaning ladies are just plain smart.

I aspire to have a cleaning lady.

I have a feeling she's refuse to do our laundry though.

Just a feeling I have. :)

June 29, 2009 at 9:00 AM  
Anonymous Halala Mama said...

Oh my...I get down on my knees and pray every night for a cleaning lady...and I only live in a 2 bedroom apartment. I hate cleaning every 1100 square foot of it!! And laundry? Don't get me started. Ugh! Good for you!

June 29, 2009 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

I hate it that I never thought of asking my cleaning ladies to do our laundry...I wonder if I could sneak that in to their duties without raising their price!?!

June 29, 2009 at 9:04 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Sorry, I DO hate (hate is a harsh word, loathe? despise?) my fellow moms w. cleaning ladies. Because I am SO extremely jealous (envy! THAT's the word I'm looking for!) of their luxury and that they don't have to live elbow deep in fur-balls. You know, the ones that float by like tumbleweed in the old West? Hmph! Lucky you!

June 29, 2009 at 9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, we got rid of our cleaning lady back in February for financial reasons. Oh, and she sucked. But you get drawn into their lives and then feel for them and their families and then if they do a sucky job you really can't say anything. You just have to clean up after they leave. I know I don't need to tell you this since it's not your first cleaning lady, but don't get drawn into their lives. Next thing you know they'll be sitting on your couch with their feet up and you'll be vacuuming underneath them.

June 29, 2009 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Sue Wilkey said...

Berta y Lupe complete me. But yeah- they won't do laundry either. Or vacuum under the beds, apparently.

June 29, 2009 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger Carolyn...Online said...

How do you think the Twits (Tweets?) would feel about the mommies who use their own children as indentured slaves to do the cleaning? Not that I um do that or anything.

June 29, 2009 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

I'm guessing perhaps she doesn't do laundry because getting those yellow smooches out of your clothes is really hard work. Also? If you get the order of the murders right, you'll be able to just step right over the bodies on your little trek around the room, so I think you're all set.

Seriously? I love you even more after this post and can't wait to see you again (and not hug you) at BlogHer!

June 29, 2009 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger Aunt Becky said...

Wait, we don't HAVE to pick sides in the Mommy Wars? Thanks for waiting until I carved Motrin Moms 4-Eva into my arm with a razor.


June 29, 2009 at 10:07 AM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

they don't do laundry now?? i hope they still do bathtubs and showers. i hate cleaning those.

and folding clean clothes is like a meditative state for me, i'm sick that way. i'm foldingfolding in my dirtydirty house....

June 29, 2009 at 11:25 AM  
Blogger Issa said...

I don't hate you for having a cleaning chick. Dude, in fact, I'd marry you so I could have one, if I wasn't already married.

We used to have one and now it's me. I told my husband last week that I'd go back to work if we could get a cleaning chick again. Serious.

June 29, 2009 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

My house has gone to hell while I've tried to decide if I should pick a side in the various Mommy Wars. Would you mind asking your cleaning lady if she has any contacts in the midwest?

June 29, 2009 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

I'm the mother of two and so undomesticated it's not even funny. I hate cleaning, I hate laundry and I don't enjoy cooking very much ... unless cheese is involved in the recipe. I'd need more than just a cleaning lady. Ha!

June 29, 2009 at 12:19 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

Sophie - I wasn't joking about the tweet. If we are all a "community," we should be sharing the good and the bad. Why should some have to struggle cleaning the disgusting toilet by themselves while others sit around watching "The Guiding Light" on TV as their cleaning ladies do all the work. I say, "Mommy War!"

June 29, 2009 at 12:40 PM  
Blogger Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

I don't hate you, because I know you are so selfless that you will share your cleaning lady. And I don't care if she doesn't do laundry, dh does that every week ;-)

June 29, 2009 at 12:47 PM  
Blogger Miss Britt said...

Is hate like envy?

Cuz I'm totally envious of your cleaning lady.

June 29, 2009 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

I require way too much sleep NOT to have a cleaning lady. However, I cannot keep one which tells you a great deal about me and how I keep house in between cleaning lady visits. Bitches.

June 29, 2009 at 2:16 PM  
Blogger Lish said...

I'm laying this on your comments, because my blog refuses to let me respond to comments when it's PMSing. I don't want to lose my train of thought so the below has nothing to do with this blog entry.

Don't worry Marinka. I've already figured out how I can survive on free ketchup packets.

And I'm trying to keep this blog on the DL so I don't start editing myself more than I already do. I would have let you in on the secret, but I already don't know how you keep up with all your readers as it is. I didn't want to be the one to finally drive you over the edge.

June 29, 2009 at 2:38 PM  
Blogger zelzee said...

I have never had a cleaning lady....

That would be my one wish before I am dead and gone, or buried under a mound of laundry never to be heard from again........

June 29, 2009 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger Roshni said...

Just leaving a comment to opt out of wanting to be murdered by you!

And, I am praying for a laundry-doing non-cat-allergy cleaning lady for you...and me!

June 29, 2009 at 3:44 PM  
Blogger Keyona said...

Fuck a cleaning lady I'll clean her house if I could just get a laundry lady. I hate it!

June 29, 2009 at 4:01 PM  
Blogger Jeanne Estridge said...

I don't hate you. It's pure, uncomplicated envy.

June 29, 2009 at 8:20 PM  
Blogger efaqffqaewfm said...

I enjoy doing laundry... is that odd? That's probably odd... I like cleaning too. I do it when I'm bored. Vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, mopping, dishes, laundry- the whole nine yards. Mom and dad went on a trip and came home to a very clean house lol

June 29, 2009 at 9:09 PM  
Blogger Pseudo said...

I'm too depressed to hate you. Envy. Meh. I can muster a little of that up.

I don't mind laundry, but hate cleaning. I also want a personal assistant because i hate making appointments and filing away papers. I have been wallowing in an almost declutterd office for three days looking at stacks of papers to file.

June 29, 2009 at 10:28 PM  
Anonymous melissa said...

recently, i worked a deal w/my cleaning lady. she's coming every week. that was the deal we worked out. pretty good,eh?

June 30, 2009 at 12:31 AM  
Anonymous Andrea's Sweet Life said...

Can't you drop your laundry off at one of those corner places and pay like $2? Oh, right, you wanted your OWN underwear back at the end of the day.

June 30, 2009 at 2:03 AM  
Blogger Leigh said...

Shhh... Don't tell the other Mommy Bloggers but I have a cleaning lady who DOES LAUNDRY!! I love her and cry on the weeks she's out of town and can't come. If you ever move to North Central Florida I'll share her with you. So, um, don't kill me. ;)

June 30, 2009 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

The one single benefit I've gotten from losing my maid (SOBS HYSTERICALLY) is that I am no longer embarassed for women to find out I have a maid.

June 30, 2009 at 10:30 AM  
Blogger bernthis said...

oh Boy do I miss mine. When I say "mine" I don't mean she belonged solely to me or that she is my pet but the woman...forget it, you know what i mean

June 30, 2009 at 4:02 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I have to tell you that it took me a few days to read this post because I was so pissed (jealous). I even told my husband how just like us you had cut back your cleaning woman due to the economy and YOU WERE GETTING ONE AGAIN (..ahem..cough...bitch...cough). So finally getting caught up and I decided to go ahead and read. I wanted to let you know I do truly feel your pain in not finding the perfect one yet. I will officially stop hating you (as lovingly as possible) and join your side of the "debate".

July 1, 2009 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hmmm, I realize in my haste to post, my comment may not have been very clear. So after I told hubby you were getting another cleaning lady, hubby told me no, I can not have another one until I go back to work and then he followed by "If Marinka jumped off a bridge, would you think I should let you too", to which I replied "Hell, yes!" (Sorry, that isn't entirely how the conversation went, but I did want to try to explain a little better).

July 1, 2009 at 9:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We're totally looking at getting one, because if we don't, the bathroom might kill someone.

July 10, 2009 at 9:54 PM  

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