Thursday, September 18, 2008

Pre-Weekend

This weekend Husbandrinka, the kids and I are flying to North Carolina, to visit my in-laws. Although I suppose that it is unfortunate for blogging purposes, I get along very well with my in-laws. As long as we do not discuss politics. Or current events. Or religion. Or the weather. So we usually stick to talking about the kids and until recently, Desperate Housewives. But my mother-in-law stopped watching that because she said that it was "too unrealistic." Can you believe it? Unrealistic.

I have limited internet access when I'm at my in-laws', so I won't be blogging. Because when internet access is limited, I like to prioritize (porn). What? (By the way, am I the only one who would totally look at internet porn, if it weren't for the pop ups?Because those things are endless. I've heard.)

So, I thought that I would leave you with a few random thoughts. (And by 'leave you', I mean, just for the weekend. Unless the unthinkable happens and then I hope that all you lurkers who never commented on any of my posts can forgive yourselves for the missed opportunity.)

Anyway, here are my random thoughts:

1. I didn't want to alarm anyone, but my husband has a cold. He's actually had it for a few days. I made an innocent comment, along the lines of "Oh, great, a mancold!" and he said something about not even missing work as a result of a cold. I'm sorry, do people generally miss work because of a cold? I can just imagine calling in with that one: "Yeah, I hab a cod. Sniffles. See you in a beek."

2. My son has banned his father from his room until he is germ-free. I think he afraid of getting a manchild cold. Also, he asked me if germs can talk. Yes, German.

3. I tried being modest, but that apparently lasted twelve seconds. Two days ago Anymommy (do you know her? Her writing is so beautiful that if I didn't adore her so much, I'd be filled with jealous rage) complimented this blog on her blog. When I read it, my tail wagged so much that I temporarily became airborne. And then the next day, she announced that she is going on vacation for like three weeks. I know some people are super suspicious and think that I gave her lots of money to write flattering things about me. That's completely not true. And I welcome a full investigation.

4. When I had my blog redesigned, I wanted to add a "FAQ" page where I would ask frequently asked questions. The only stumbling block to that seems to be that I don't have any frequently asked questions, except "how much did you pay for that fugly platter?" and "How did the word clitoris come up in conversation at work?" So, I'm asking you to post your questions in the comments and I'll create a FAQ page. They can be about anything! I have very big brains, you know. Wait, it's just one, right? I mean, everyone has just one brain. Why did I say "brains"? See! That could qualify as a FAQ! By the way, I stole this idea in part from Mama Ginger Tree, whose blog I adore.

5. While I'm away this weekend, not blogging, I will still access Twitter. It took me about 4 hours to set up my phone last week, so now I can post updates on Twitter by phone. For those of you visiting this blog from Mesopotamia, Twitter is a "microblogging" service that lets you put up posts that are 140 characters or less. Because of the character limit, I thought it would be prudent for us to establish an understanding, a code, if you will, as to how to translate my tweets:

Having a great time= HELP ME.

Having a great time! = WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME?

It is beautiful here! = I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT HELPING ME.

It's so nice to get out of NYC! = WHEN YOU'RE CRAWLING THROUGH THE DESERT THIRSTY AND EXHAUSTED, I WILL RINSE MY HAIR OUT WITH EVIAN IN FRONT OF YOUR DEHYDRATED ASS UNLESS YOU HELP ME RIGHT NOW.

I love North Carolina! = I AM NOW WEARING A MCCAIN TSHIRT AND A CLOSER TO JESUS UPDO.

I miss everyone! = EXCEPT FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU DID NOT HELP ME.

(ok, this was for entertainment purposes only, of course!)

Entertainment purposes only = AND THE CHECK IS IN THE MAIL.

I think that's all I got. Well, I also figured out the meaning of life, but I'm too tired now to go into it. I'll save that for next week!

Have a great weekend! After you leave me questions, I mean!

18 Comments:

Blogger Mama Ginger Tree said...

Oh my gosh. I can die happy... Marinka mentioned me on her blog.

I have a few questions:

How much did you pay for that plate/bowl with breasts?

How did "clitoris" come up in conversation as work?

How did you meet Husbandrinka?

Which one of your kidrinkas is your favorite?

Who is your favorite Pokemon?

Why did you start blogging?

That ought to be enough for now.

September 18, 2008 at 11:05 PM  
Blogger jen said...

questions...
how in the world do you keep up with so many blogs? (no dishwasher to unload?? maid?? nanny??)
why do you make me laugh so hard that i'm always crying?
do you let husbandrinka read the blog?
how can you really see what books people are reading?
i'm sorry that i don't twitter...or i would definitely try to help you.

September 19, 2008 at 12:13 AM  
Anonymous MomMega said...

Okay, totally snorted at the Mancold and the closer to Jesus updo comment!

September 19, 2008 at 12:58 AM  
Blogger Kylie w Warszawie said...

Ha! I also considered putting a "about me" link to a post, but it turns out that I am super paranoid and I don't want people to know the answers to the questions they would ask. Except you. And other people who ask. I guess I'm just afraid of lurkers who don't tell me they are there.

And germs speak German! OHMYGOSH! I laughed so hard I cried.

September 19, 2008 at 4:13 AM  
Blogger Z said...

Questions, questions... Hmm...

Which celebrity would you want to play you in the movie of your life?

And all of Jen's questions - because I'm curious (like a cat) ... (And that reference? Was entirely due to my husband watching waaaay to much old SNL on YouTube.)

September 19, 2008 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Mayberry said...

How did you decide where in your apartment to prominently display the fugly platter?

September 19, 2008 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger Mekhismom said...

Love the twitter decoder. I look forward to hearing all about the trip.
My question is - Are you as funny in real life as you are on your blog?

September 19, 2008 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous kia (good enough mama) said...

How appropriate your post is for my day. You did this solely for me, right? Today is Hubby's second day of participating in I Have A ManCold And Must Take At Least Two Days Off Work BUt When My Wife Has Pneumonia I Hesitate To Take A Day Off Work To Help Her Out.... Feckers.

Have a great holiday!!

Btw? I totally hate you for liking your inlaws. My mil is a true mofo.

September 19, 2008 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Kate Coveny Hood said...

If you could be an Olypmic athlete what would be your event.

September 19, 2008 at 1:15 PM  
Blogger Maura said...

I don't know how I'm supposed to get around to asking you questions when you ask so many that beg to be answered.

You are not alone, Your Majesty (Sarcasm-Free since 2008 TM), I would totally look at internet porn, too, if not for the pop-ups and such. Personally, I don't have issues with it, so long as there are no kids involved, of course.

Yes, people do and SHOULD miss work because of a cold! It's rude to become the germ factory at work, even if you speak fluent German, and will earn many nasty looks and much avoidance from me. So there.

So if you didn't, in fact, pay Anymommy to fawn all over you and leave town, what did you do? Other than be amazingly funny and smart and all that crap.

And what, in turn did Mama Ginger Tree pay you? I'm all about bribery, so I need to know what I have to do to get in on this lovefest.

Could you please define "help," Majesty? Should I have the extraction team on standby or the liquor store on hold?

Lastly, am I ever going to get my fame and glory for identifying where that statue is, from the post your kids did?

September 19, 2008 at 1:29 PM  
Blogger Tracey said...

:) Funny girl. Hope you DO have a great week but that you don't star wearing McCain...

September 19, 2008 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Heinous said...

What will I do without your bloggage? I'll have to look into this 'porn' thing you mention then since I'll be ignoring your twitter pleas.

September 19, 2008 at 4:09 PM  
Blogger PsychMamma said...

I'm thinking of some really good questions for you. Prepare yourself.

Have a great time = I HOPE YOU SURVIVE WITH YOUR SANITY INTACT

September 19, 2008 at 4:48 PM  
Blogger heartatpreschool said...

Ok, I've got one... how did Motherhood change your career?

September 20, 2008 at 12:11 AM  
Blogger Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I think you deserve a badge of courage for visiting the in-laws. Or diamonds. Yes, diamonds. Wait, are we talking about your in-laws or mine? *I* deserve diamonds.

September 20, 2008 at 6:59 AM  
Blogger texasholly said...

I love your twitter legend. I will watch this weekend...I would need to start driving in that direction now. I am frightened for your Jesus hair.

September 20, 2008 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Madge said...

What happens in North Carolina stays in North Carolina.

The updo is killing me.

September 20, 2008 at 10:51 AM  
Blogger funkimunkii said...

hit the ABC store once you land in NC.

i don't see a lot of McCain Palin stuff where we live but if you have anything Boden you will fit right in. Boden (and those AWFUL Vera Bradley bags) are to Chapel Hill women what Tory Burch shoes and Goyard bags are to New Yorkers.

September 21, 2008 at 10:50 AM  

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