Campy

My kids' camp ended last week, but not before they learned a few catchy tunes. I'm telling you, you can't pay for this kind of thing. Except, of course, we did.

Here's a transcript of the lyrics:

Aggravation (as this song is performed, any questions about the meaning of its title miraculously disappear. As does the will to live.)


Aggravation, Rehabilitation
Aggravation, This is how you play!

First you take a bowling ball and you roll it down the hall.
Hit your dad, he gets mad, ooooo-oooo-ooo!

Aggravation, Rehabilition
Aggravation, This is how you play!


Then you take a red balloon and you put it on a spoon
Eat it up, you’ll blow up

Ooooo oooo oo!

Aggravation, Rehabilitation
Aggravation, This is how you play!

Then you take a teddy bear, stick it in your underwear
Go to work, you’re a jerk

Ooooo oooo oo!


Aggravation, Rehabilitation
Aggravation, This is how you play!

Then you take a garden hose and you stick it up your nose
Turn it on, you’re all gone.

Ooooo oooo oo!


Aggravation, Rehabilition
Aggravation, and that was how you play!



The Freezing Song (this song has the obvious benefit that everyone is supposed to freeze and stay frozen at the end until Mommy utters the magic word, like "get me a beer and then re-freeze". The disadvantage, of course, is the song itself.)

There’s place called Mars, where the women smoke cigars
And the men wear bikinis
And the children drink martinis

Every step you take
Is enough to kill a snake
When the snake dies
You put diamonds in his eyes

When the diamonds crack
You put mustard down its back

When the mustard fades
You call the king the Spain

When the King arrives, Everybody freezes!

And because I personally do not get enough of Jingle Bells during the Christmas (October-January) season:

Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skies
On the fields we go
Crashing into trees
Ha ha ha!

Now the snow is red
And I am almost dead
And now I’m in the hospital with staples in my head.

Jingle bells, Santa smells, Rudolf laid an egg!
Oh what fun it is to be hanging from a peg!



The other big news around here is that in the event there is now a disagreement between the kids about a critical issue such as who get the blue bowl, who has to practice the piano first and who gets the first piece of bacon, we no longer use Rock, Paper, Scissors. We have moved on to Eenie Meenie Miny Mo. Here's the version that my son recommends:

Eenie, Meenie. Miny, Mo
Catch a Tiger By Its Toe
If He Hollers, Let Him Go
Eenie, Meenie Miny, Mo

My mother told me to choose the best one and I choose you.

Y-O-U
The colors of the American Flag are Red, White and Blue. I choose you.

The best part about it is that by the time he's all done, I've eaten all the bacon.