Sunday, August 3, 2008


My kids' camp ended last week, but not before they learned a few catchy tunes. I'm telling you, you can't pay for this kind of thing. Except, of course, we did.

Here's a transcript of the lyrics:

Aggravation (as this song is performed, any questions about the meaning of its title miraculously disappear. As does the will to live.)

Aggravation, Rehabilitation
Aggravation, This is how you play!

First you take a bowling ball and you roll it down the hall.
Hit your dad, he gets mad, ooooo-oooo-ooo!

Aggravation, Rehabilition
Aggravation, This is how you play!

Then you take a red balloon and you put it on a spoon
Eat it up, you’ll blow up

Ooooo oooo oo!

Aggravation, Rehabilitation
Aggravation, This is how you play!

Then you take a teddy bear, stick it in your underwear
Go to work, you’re a jerk

Ooooo oooo oo!

Aggravation, Rehabilitation
Aggravation, This is how you play!

Then you take a garden hose and you stick it up your nose
Turn it on, you’re all gone.

Ooooo oooo oo!

Aggravation, Rehabilition
Aggravation, and that was how you play!

The Freezing Song (this song has the obvious benefit that everyone is supposed to freeze and stay frozen at the end until Mommy utters the magic word, like "get me a beer and then re-freeze". The disadvantage, of course, is the song itself.)

There’s place called Mars, where the women smoke cigars
And the men wear bikinis
And the children drink martinis

Every step you take
Is enough to kill a snake
When the snake dies
You put diamonds in his eyes

When the diamonds crack
You put mustard down its back

When the mustard fades
You call the king the Spain

When the King arrives, Everybody freezes!

And because I personally do not get enough of Jingle Bells during the Christmas (October-January) season:

Dashing through the snow
On a pair of broken skies
On the fields we go
Crashing into trees
Ha ha ha!

Now the snow is red
And I am almost dead
And now I’m in the hospital with staples in my head.

Jingle bells, Santa smells, Rudolf laid an egg!
Oh what fun it is to be hanging from a peg!

The other big news around here is that in the event there is now a disagreement between the kids about a critical issue such as who get the blue bowl, who has to practice the piano first and who gets the first piece of bacon, we no longer use Rock, Paper, Scissors. We have moved on to Eenie Meenie Miny Mo. Here's the version that my son recommends:

Eenie, Meenie. Miny, Mo
Catch a Tiger By Its Toe
If He Hollers, Let Him Go
Eenie, Meenie Miny, Mo

My mother told me to choose the best one and I choose you.

The colors of the American Flag are Red, White and Blue. I choose you.

The best part about it is that by the time he's all done, I've eaten all the bacon.


Blogger Vodka Mom said...

crap. now I'll be singing all damn day.

August 3, 2008 at 8:33 AM  
Blogger wfbdoglover said...

Don't tell your son my version of eenie, menie, miny, mo. Ours was (growing up of coarse)

Eenie, Meenie. Miny, Mo
Catch a Tiger By Its Toe
If He Hollers, Let Him Go
Eenie, Meenie Miny, Mo

My mother said to pick the very best one and you are NOOOOOOT it.
(so that person would be out and you would do it AGAIN and AGAIN until the last one was there.

Unless you called it your way at the start. When I got older we called it your way.

August 3, 2008 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

Thanks for the awesome musical memories. I haven't heard those in ages! I may be teaching my kids some of those.

August 3, 2008 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Z said...

Oh my. Those songs are new since I went to summer camp, and I must say, sounds a bit more annoying than the ones I remember. Of course, I was a child at the time, so my memory is probably faulty...

Need some aspirin? A shot or two of liquor? Because I think that listening to those would definitely drive me to that...

August 3, 2008 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger anymommy said...

Get me a beer and then refreeze. I may not ever recover from that. I'm thinking of having a beer right now at 8:44 in the morning, just so that I can use it.

Also, thanks for the jingle bells thing. You're evil. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match....

It's a small world after all, It's a small world after all...

August 3, 2008 at 11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was a kid, the song was "Suffocation" to the same tune as "Aggravation." And the lyrics were DISTURBING. I keep waiting for my 9 yr old to come home with some of this stuff.

August 3, 2008 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Mama Ginger Tree said...

Well I see you got your money's worth then.

August 3, 2008 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger jon said...

I love the jingle bells one!

August 3, 2008 at 2:48 PM  
Blogger Marinka said...

Vodka--You're welcome!

WFB-my lips are sealed!

Z--yes, aspirin, with a chaser of liquor please!

Anymommy-what, 8:44am is a bad time to drink or something? You're waiting until 8:45, right? I admire your restraint!

Insta-mom--Were the lyrics more disturbing than the ones I posted?!

Mama Ginger--yes, indeed. I think I should stuff some more cash into an envelope and send it along to camp, don't you?

Jon--me too! Although blood does make me queasy.

August 3, 2008 at 3:41 PM  
Anonymous Kate said...

I still use eenie meenie miny mo - but you lost me at the American Flag part. I'm usually done at YOU.

As for the others - I wasn't familiar with the words - but I could identify the tunes immediately. Now I wonder if I sang those songs, or something else to the same music...

And I thought I had it rough getting Wiggles tunes stuck in my head.

August 3, 2008 at 5:32 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Where exactly did you send your kids to camp?

More importantly, is there room for me next session?

xoxo, ShallowGal

August 3, 2008 at 9:25 PM  

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