PokeMom

So, I've been on vacation/Pokemon torture chamber. My son has been talking to me about Pokemon nonstop with an intensity that makes waterboarding sound like a pleasant distraction on a hot summer day.

A typical conversation, that springs out of absolutely nowhere, goes something like this:

"Mom, guess who my favorite Pokemon is."
"I don't know."
"Guess."
"Give me some options."
"Ok, Turtwig, Jumpluff, Tortero, Flareon, Ivysaur or Nidoking."
"The first one."
"Which was the first one?"
"I don't know."
"So why did you say that it was your favorite?"
"To shut you up, I mean, because it sounded like the strongest one!"


But then, I had an idea. All the Pokemon have amazing powers. For example (and I'm using the cards for reference now, lest you think I have this stuff committed to memory), Nidoking has the Poison Rub power and the Pride Attack power. Leafeon has the Spiral Drain (which sounds handy if you have a clogged kitchen sink, for example) and Leaf Blade. Dusclops has Dark Mind, which makes me think that he'd fit with us bloggers! Ambipom has Astonish, that show off, and Hang High, but I don't speak Pokemon jive, so I can't tell you what that is. Of course I can ask my son, but if you think that I will willingly initiate a Pokemon conversation with him, you must be new around here.

So my idea was to develop powers for moms. Because we need them. Things we can all use to make our day, you know, easier. So that by the time 4:59 pm rolled around we didn't have the bottle of wine taking its first anticipatory breath.

Here are some powers that I suggest. Please add your own.

Power Glare: The glare shuts the kids up immediately and makes them bend to the Pokemom's will.

Teflonitis: Any insinuation that the child's rude behavior is a result of poor parenting, gets completely deflected and blamed on the accuser, instead.

Urination Prolongation: The ability of mothers to lock themselves in the bathroom to pee, and also to read "War and Peace" until their kids notice that they are Not There.

Blog Attack: Retaliatory blogging about children's misdeeds.

Power Glug: Because even with our super Pokemon powers, sometimes we need to enjoy a glass of wine. Or ten.