The Joke's On You!
I survived Halloween.
The big news is that when I turned the TV on this morning I realized that Obama's daughter had on the same costume as my daughter, so clearly I'm destined to become a cabinet member. I really hope that it doesn't interfere with my blogging time, but since the country is in a pretty good shape, I'm not too worried.
The other news is that I cleaned out our freezer this morning. I couldn't close it, and naturally let out a blood curdling scream which should have alerted Husbandrinka to abandon everything and rush to my aid, but for some reason he meandered over and said, "I'm trying to work and your screeching is really distracting." Interesting choice of words, wouldn't you say? Then he inspected the freezer, said a few words that I can't mention on this motherfucking parenting blog and then pronounced that the freezer won't close because I stuffed it too full of crap and I had to unload it and restuff it better. If ever Joe the Plumber isn't available, Husbandrinka is here to help!
The last time that I cleaned out the freezer, I came across a fish corpse, so this exercise wasn't without its trauma. Nor was it without its rewards, as I found the frozen meatballs that my mother in law put in the freezer in the summer and alerted the kids that there was salvation from mommy's cooking.
While I was chained to domesticity, I was thinking about my favorite jokes. Here's one:
A man invites his friend over for dinner.
"We're having matzoh ball soup!" he says.
His friend has never had matzoh ball soup before. He's not sure he wants to have it. But finally he tries it and loves it. "This is delicious!" the friend says, "what other parts of the matzoh can you eat?"
Please share your favorite joke! I tried not to set the bar too high so as not to intimidate anyone.
posted by Marinka at
10:06 AM
18 Comments:
With the intent of burning calories by walking - instead of driving, guess how many bite sized dark chocolate milky way bars does it take to get energy to walk 2-1/2 blocks to a friends house?
THANK GOD Halloween is OVER WITH!
All of my jokes are long, so I'll give my 5 year old's favorite.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8(ate) 9.
har har har har har.
"motherfucking parenting blog" Fucking hilarious.
Can you come clean my freezer now? I promise we do not have an fish corpses. That post made me want to run from my computer screaming.
But I stayed so I could tell you a joke.
Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off.
"What's so funny?" they asked him.
"It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."
Love the joke! However, when the pressure is on I FREEZE!! I can't remember the joke I love, but the punchline is......rectum? Hell, it damn neared killed him.
WFB--Halloween may be over, but we are still dealing with Post-Halloween Traumatic Syndrome here. I may never recover.
Andrea--I love that one! Also, what does Della wear? A new jersey.
Mama Ginger Tree--yes, I'll be right over. I charge in ice cream, so stock up. ha! (that's my response to your joke, not a haughty 'ha').
Vodka mom--you have a gift telling jokes, you know that?
My fav joke is way to long, involves toothbrushes and is probably not politically correct.
Here is one for your motherfucking parenting blog:
Where do horses go when they get sick?
The horspital, of course.
That is the only one I can remember. I am such the comedian.
Two pretzels were walking down the street. One was assaulted (a salted). Bwah ahah hahaha!
I once found some candy bars while cleaning the freezer (I love frozen chocolate) - that was like payment or a reward or something. I'm glad I didn't find a fish corpse.
I never have good jokes to tell - but for some reason I remember one that I loved when I was little (only people who have seen Fantasy Island will understand this):
What is Tatoo's favorite kind of M&Ms?
The plain! The plain!
My favorite joke ever:
Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall?
A. Dam!
You're welcome. :)
My all time favorite joke—and the only one I know—is "A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, why the long face?"
K.D. Lang is dead, did you hear?
....
...
.....
....
......
...Yeah, they found her face-down in Ricki Lake.
I heard this one recently:
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies, sheepishly, "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's
nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well", he says, "I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that... BUT: #1, you must be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says,
"Pull into the next alley." Then, the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But, when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish" the cabbie says.
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
:)
Gah, Emily took my favorite joke. Apparently, I need to read blogs earlier in the day.
I cleaned closets today, not as fun as freezers and meatballs, but still.
My mom would always tell this joke. I think she did it to annoy us:
"What happens when a Mercedes hits a tree?
Mercedes Benz."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Thankyouverymuch. I'm here all week.
I had the thrill of cleaning out the freezer last weekend. Nothing awful was unearthed, however.
For some reason I can only remember one joke at a time, so my favorite one is usually the only one currently residing in my head.
A piece of rope goes into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve rope in here, so get outta here." Dejected, the rope goes back outside but he gets an idea. He unravels his ends a bit and ties himself up, then goes back into the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender asks, "Aren't you the piece of rope I just kicked out of here?" The rope replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
(Trust me, it works much better heard than read.)
Two men walked into a bar, you'd have thought the second one would have ducked.
I'm afraid I don't "do" jokes. Maybe because I always mess them up. Or maybe because my memory is shot. Either way, I got nothing.
Also? Wanna come clean out my freezer? Because it, too, is becoming kind of desperate. And I can't find my ice cream any more. And we all know that's the most important thing in the freezer... Well, that and the wine bottles I occasionally shove in to quickly cool down. ;)
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