Douche Cap

I wear a shower cap, do you?

You'll be surprised how many perfectly normal looking people forego the shower cap, so you can't always tell by appearances. Unless you sneak into the shower with the perfectly normal looking person, but that could be awkward.  But the next time you're in a crowded elevator, or in the subway, or waiting on death row, look around you and ask--who among the people that you see has the moral fortitude to wear a shower cap and not get their hair wet every time they take a shower? By the way, if you decide to ask this question out loud, it may help to be naked and holding an open bottle of vodka, to get into character.

In recent years I've had my share of shower caps that have come to a tragic end.  A few were thrown in the laundry and since they are made of some kind of plastic, for some reason they melted.  A few were stolen. I mean, lost.  Many were mocked by shower cap foes.  It's hard to maintain shower cap harmony.

My most recent shower cap has undergone something incomprehensible.  For no apparent reason, the elastic has started loosening at at unprecedented rate and the shower cap has gotten enormous.  Why is this happening?  And why is neither candidate addressing this?