Thursday, January 22, 2009

Cat Adoption is Not for For Pussies (New EZ to Read Format!)

2 years ago, Marinka wanted a cat.

"Husbandrinka, I want a cat!"

Husbandrinka did not want a cat.

"No cats."

Marinka had to develop a strategy.
"I will be turning 40 next month and I want a cat!" she told Husbandrinka.
Husbandrinka gave her a ring with sapphires.
"Fuck the cat!" Marinka thought.
Then Marinka changed her mind.
"I still want a cat!" she told Husbandrinka.
"No cats," said Husbandrinka. And probably considered taking the ring with sapphires back.
Marinka had to develop a better strategy.
"I want to have another baby," she said, hoping to plea bargain down to a cat.
"Well, good luck finding someone to have it with," Husbandrinka said.
"Our tenth anniversary is coming up," Marinka said. "A cat would be a lovely gift."
Husbandrinka gave Marinka a ring with diamonds. Marinka's finger was jewel encrusted. But she still didn't have a cat.

Marinka waited.
Marinka plotted.
Every plot was foiled.
Marinka fumed.
Marinka seethed.

Then Marinka and Husbandrinka's daughter said, "I want a cat."
Marinka didn't say anything. Husbandrinka said, "We can't get a cat."
"Why not?"
"Because it's a lot of work."
"I'll take care of it all by myself. I read books about it. I'll clean its litter box and I'll feed it and I'll love it. Please?"
Husbandrinka said "no." But it was a different kind of 'no' and that was all that their daughter needed. She went to work on it. Every day, Marinka and Husbandrinka woke up to lists of things that the daughter would do and reasons why she deserves a cat.

Marinka said, "Hey, Husbandrinka, why don't you tell her that we're not getting her a cat because she's a rotten kid?"
Husbandrinka said, "She's an amazing kid, what are you talking about?"
Marinka said, "Well, since you're punishing her and she's the only kid without a pet in her whole class, I thought you should drive your point home."
Husbandrinka became concerned, "Is she really the only one without a pet?"
"Yep." (Disclaimer: lie.)

Husbandrinka said ok! HE SAID OK!
Plans to adopt a cat were made.
And then one day, mama (Marinka's mother) took the kids to Petco to adopt a cat.
And no one was prepared for what happened next.


Blogger Pseudo said...

I smell a part two coming up.

I want a cat

My husband is allergic.

Will watch with baited breath how cat can be acquired.

January 22, 2009 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger FishermansDaughter said...

On the edge of my seat - this outta be GOOD

January 22, 2009 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

And then, and then and then???

January 22, 2009 at 12:17 PM  
Blogger Pamela said...

i smell a story that ends up with multiple cats. and also a husbandrinka who turns out to be a real, uh, pussy lover.

January 22, 2009 at 12:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did Petco reject you because your mom said something crude about kids with lice and the little adoption lady was late to work because HER kid had lice????

January 22, 2009 at 12:50 PM  
Blogger Lana@The Kids Did WHAT?! said...

My God woman! You can't leave me hanging like this!Now get back here and finish your story!!!

January 22, 2009 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger cw2smom said...

Good Lord, you didn't need to go to Petco and PAY to adopt one. We have 4 and I would have shipped one or two to you overnight! Arrrggggghh! I don't like cats very much anymore. I can't wait to hear the rest of this story! LOL! Lisa

January 22, 2009 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger jen said...

YOU are worse than a soap opera.

really ... illegitimate marriage proposals and shotgun weddings in pretend foreign countries and babies being born between sisters that had each other's babies with each other's dead husbands.

they have nothin' on your teaser ending of the story about *the cat adoption*. i'm on the edge of my seat.

January 22, 2009 at 1:13 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

"Husbandrinka gave her a ring with sapphires.
"Fuck the cat!" Marinka thought."

That line made me giggle.

"Yep." (Disclaimer: lie.)"

That line made me fall out of my chair with laughter. You are freakin' awesome.

January 22, 2009 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger Magpie said...

I want a cat. Two actually.

Anticipating your follow-up.

January 22, 2009 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger Kirsten said...

Can't wait to hear the rest!

I gave up the best cat on the planet when I moved in with my now husband since he is deathly allergic to cats. At least I know if I ever want to get rid of him, all I need is a cat.


January 22, 2009 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Smartass Milf said...

Damn you!!! How am I supposed to concentrate on work when all I am thinking about is your cat situation??? I need vodka. Stat.

January 22, 2009 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger MommyTime said...

As an inveterate dog lover and cat-allergy sufferer, I'm itching for YOU to get a cat. Haha. I know, my puns suck. Whatever. I also really want to know how this story ends, especially after the tantalizing tweets the other day.

January 22, 2009 at 1:28 PM  
Blogger blognut said...

I MUST know what happened next....

January 22, 2009 at 1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have two cats.

They were my idea.

I think they are working for the devil (at least part time).

January 22, 2009 at 1:35 PM  
Blogger Debbie said...

Leaving us hanging? That's just mean.

January 22, 2009 at 1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We have 2 cats. They peed on our couch. We couldn't get the smell out and had to throw the couch away. The cats now live outside. They're lucky if I remember to feed them once a day.

January 22, 2009 at 2:05 PM  
Blogger *Akilah Sakai* said...

*waiting impatiently for Part II*

I want a feline as well, a lion or tiger cub! But only if it's growth can be stunted so I'm not accidently eaten in the middle of the night.

January 22, 2009 at 2:06 PM  
Blogger Irish Gumbo said...

There is either blood or kittens in the future. Maybe (probably) both!

Don't leave us hanging, you minx :)

January 22, 2009 at 2:15 PM  
Blogger Stat Mama said...


I love cats. They're anti-social like me! HAHA!

I am anxiously awaiting part II of this story!

January 22, 2009 at 2:18 PM  
Blogger Scary Mommy said...

What the hell happened next!?????

January 22, 2009 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Ann Imig said...

Take my fucking cats. I mean it. I just spent $1000 to find out one of them preferred canned food. That could've gone towards a nice jewel-encrusted 10th anniversary gift.

January 22, 2009 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger Trix in the Stix said...

I went to adopt a cat last year... came home with two... they told me there was a 2 for 1 special. Guess what... there's still a 2 for 1 special!

Side note: There's no way I could have split the brother & sister team up anyway!

January 22, 2009 at 2:36 PM  
Blogger Kari said...

Can not wait to hear the rest of this story!

January 22, 2009 at 2:39 PM  
Blogger Green said...

Damn to be continued!

January 22, 2009 at 2:45 PM  
Blogger Lynn C Mama to 3 said...

On edge of my seat...

January 22, 2009 at 2:48 PM  
Blogger OHmommy said...


What the heck happened? ;) What happened?

January 22, 2009 at 3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am not surprised at all by your cliff-hanging tactics, marinka, because as you probably know, this is how all the great russian novels were written. as serials. so now that i have you nodding wildly in agreement with my assessment of your brilliance, you probably want to privately email me the rest of your story, just so that i can proofread it.

January 22, 2009 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

We started out with one cat and now we have six-be careful out there!

January 22, 2009 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger ShallowGal said...

That "I want another baby" line usually gets me what I want.

xoxo, SG

January 22, 2009 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx said...

Cats are evil.

iMommy hates cats.

iDaddy is allergic to cats.

Our children will have dogs.

January 22, 2009 at 3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was 16, about 10 years into asking for a cat, I told my parents that most girls my age who wanted something to love just went out and got pregnant, all I wanted was a cat.

I got the cat. And now she's 15 years old and drools on my head while I sleep.

And also? Cliffhangers = pure evil.

January 22, 2009 at 3:27 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

You need to try and convince him that you were the one that didn't want the cat and get another ring for your magnanimosity. (holy shit, that's actually a word)

January 22, 2009 at 3:54 PM  
Blogger Sonya said...

Evil plot to get readers out of their feed readers and into your comments?

The suspense is killing me....

January 22, 2009 at 3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister-in-law is violently allergic to cats. I really want to get one. My mom won't let me.

Yes, I'm a rotten kid.

January 22, 2009 at 4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bet you wound up with more than one cat. And possibly you adopted a retired greyhound and also came home with some rodenty thing in a cage.

January 22, 2009 at 4:10 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Well, I'm on the edge of my seat to find out what calamity befell you all at the Petco. I can smell disaster a mile away and there is a strong wind coming off this post.

Except for the diamonds and sapphires part. That part was all good. :)

January 22, 2009 at 4:13 PM  
Blogger Maura said...

Like a cat, Marinka does things on her own schedule. She cares not if people are dying to hear the rest. She'll get around to it when she damned well pleases. Marinka will do well relating to a cat. If she ever gets one, that is.

Me, I've already got a cat and live with yet another. I know about waiting until cats are damned good and ready. I'll be back for the rest. Maybe.

January 22, 2009 at 4:16 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...


I know! I know!

you got more jewelry!

January 22, 2009 at 4:18 PM  
Blogger Coffee with Cathy said...

Great bargaining techniques! Can't wait for Part No. 2.

January 22, 2009 at 4:33 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh lovely. Suspense! It goes great with my PMS-induced constipation. Talk about suspense.

January 22, 2009 at 4:41 PM  
Blogger Julia@SometimesLucid said...

Did you come home with a dog instead? The kids and I are working on the husband for a dog!

January 22, 2009 at 5:08 PM  
Blogger HoodChick said...

A friend of mine has a "cat" - actually it is part lynx. It has a stub for a tail. And it's pshyco. It bites, scratches and chews things up. I'm glad I had nice, sweet siamese.

January 22, 2009 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger TMCPhoto said...

come now, this is just too cruel, leaving us all hanging, nay I say jonesing for another hit...

We'll be moving into a place that allows one cat, and the toddler who pretends to be a kidden on a daily basis will soon be able to torment a kidden whenever she can lay her chubby hands on him or her.

January 22, 2009 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger shrink on the couch said...

I smell a puppy?

January 22, 2009 at 6:00 PM  
Blogger SweetPeaSurry said...

I'll have to come back to view the picture, can't see it here at work, anxious to know what it's all about though!

January 22, 2009 at 6:40 PM  
Blogger Momo Fali said...

I am scared of cats. I mean, a REAL, live phobia. My husband wants one, my daughter wants one, but I would need serious meds to live with one of those things.

January 22, 2009 at 6:59 PM  
Blogger Jeanne Estridge said...

You are a deeply devious and cunningly conniving woman. I like that about you!

January 22, 2009 at 7:34 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. When will this be continued?

I hate waiting anxiously. Now I'll never get any sleep.

January 22, 2009 at 7:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened next?!?!?!?!

You are so mean.

January 22, 2009 at 8:43 PM  
Blogger jmt said...

I sincerely hope your "next" didn't involve in the cat pissing all over the carpet. Like mine did. Crazy ass cat.

January 22, 2009 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

And what????

January 22, 2009 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Aracely said...

Let me start by saying no one appreciates EZ to Read Format more than I do... and I'm starting to believe that gem encrusted animal piece from your previous post is a part of your private collection.

January 23, 2009 at 12:42 AM  
Blogger Z said...

bwahaha - and what I want to know is, how much money did you bribe your little mini-me with? Or did you resort to slipping in a hypnotist to her room to put the idea in her mind while she was asleep? ;)

January 30, 2009 at 9:31 AM  

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